Father's Forum on the Family

The Death of My Father

2012-02-21T00:10:00.000-06:00

For some time, I had been trying to convince my Dad that moving to a smaller place would be much more advantageous and he finally agreed in early January. I had been looking for a safe and secure place and found a retirment community with duplexes that were just what they needed. Dad agreed and my brother and I decided to get it done before he changed his mind. The latter part of January we moved out of the house that they had lived in for 44 years. I have never been so sad in my entire life as we made decisions about my parents belongings that they had spent a lifetime accumulating. Much of what they had was given away or discarded. Important and sentimental things were split between us kids but it was sad to see the house slowly emptied of everything that had been accumulated over so many years.

I remember commenting to my brother Clark, that you really begin to fully understand the scripture that talks about your life being a "vapor", here today and gone tomorrow. While we were moving, my Dad was having a lot of issues and it looked like things were getting bad. My Mom and Dad spent two nights in their new place before we had to rush him to the hospital as he was getting weaker by the minute. It was a trip he would never return from.

I had allotted a week off from work in order to move them and I had to return to Houston as I was not sure when he would be getting out of ICU. I knew in my heart when i left him, it would probably be the last time I saw him alive. While I returned just before they took him off of life support, I was never able to speak to him again.

His last words to me were..."I love you son...I just wish I had told you that more often"! It is now the 21st of February and I am just now able to write about this without completely falling to pieces. The sadness and sense of loss has been almost overwhelming as it feels like I lost both my Mother and Father in a two week time frame. Dad to death and Mom to a mental state in which she hardly remembers who I am. I have asked God to teach me something through all of this and I believe He has. Here are some of the things that I have learned and hope it helps you, especially as you face similar circumstances.

1. Cherish your parents - I know we all get busy, especially as we get married and many times live far from home. I left home in 1975 and have lived way outside of california since that time. It seems like I saw my parents several times a year, but not as often as I now wish I had. In July of last year, my parents were to celebrate their 60th wedding anniversary. My sister wanted to get us all together in Reno, Nevada but it seemed like life was too busy and I wasn't sure if I could take the time off. Well, I worked it out to we could go and looking back, I am so grateful to God that we did. I remember the evening as we celebrated their 60 years of marriage, that all of the kids and grandkids were able to express their love and appreciate to this most worthy couple when they were alive to hear it all. At that point, I had no idea that our gathering would be the last time we would be with them on their anniversary.

2. Take time even when you think you can't - In late October, I flew to San Diego for a speaking engagement and called Mom and Dad and asked if they would come down and see me. I had a beautiful hotel suite overlooking coronado Bay with plenty of room for them to stay. The room had an enourmous bedroom and I decided to give my parents the private room and I ordered a roll-away single for me. They were like kids and enjoyed our time together as we ate breakfast each morning out by the water and had dinner late at night watching the sun set on the bay. We laughed about memories and I so enjoyed their company. They heard me speak at the conference I was attending and I felt the same pride that they had for me when I won my first speech contest on the same island in 1972.

3. Live a life of "no regrets" - While I am devasted over the loss of my Dad, I can see so clearly the hand of God directing my steps over the last year. There were so many times I felt time challenged and almost succumbed to other issues but felt that it was more important to see them, be with them and make time for them...I now know why! The emotions and sadness would have been compounded greatly if I was guilt ridden over my failures to be with them when I could. Losing my Dad was difficult enough without adding guilt and regrets to that picture.

4. Death has a way of putting things in perspective - Everything in life seems to be important. We go through life with time pressures, financial constraints and personal problems but all those things seem petty when you look in the casket and see your only father lying dead before your eyes. It is a sobering thing and it has a way of moving you to think about what is really important in life. Everything that I thought was so important seems trivial by comparison. So many people waste so many years in bitter relationships...but those all have a way of changing when a death occurs. I am sure that I will be thining differently about what is really important.

5. "Stuff" that you have will become someone else's stuff sooner than you think - My parents house was full of stuff...Heck...my house is full of stuff! The ironic part about it is that all their stuff is now someone else's stuff. Dad had spent a lifetime accumulating stuff...even money...and he could take nothing with him. The over-abundance and over-accumulation of stuff that we all have is really quite extraordinary if you think about it. We have to work to get the stuff, we then have to pay to protect the stuff, we have to take care of and fix the "stuff" and for what purpose??? So that other people can have the stuff in the end. Seems rather pathetic when you think about it like that.

Well, these are just a few of the lessons that God has shown me in 15 days from my Dad's death. I know he has more in store for me and I look forward to learning them. In the meantime, Dad knew Jesus and I am confident he is safe in His arms in a place free from pain. Knowing Dad, he's been checking out his new place and is loving every minute...that's just the kind of guy he was.

Blessings,

Steve R.

Final Approach Seminar In The Woodlands, Texas October 28-29, 2011

2011-09-12T15:14:00.002-05:00

After a year-long process of prayer, planning, and preparation, Final Approach is ready to launch its first ever Seminar at The Woods Edge Church in The Woodlands, Texas on October 28-29th, 2011.

Dr. Joseph Norvell and I will be speaking to families on the subject of "How to help children land safely into adulthood". As we have observed many times, too many teens and young adults are running into problems as they approach adulthood and many are leaving their "beliefs" behind.

In the homes of many Christian families there is a battle being fought for the hearts and souls of the younger generation. Everywhere around us we see young people whose love for the world and themselves has pushed aside their relationship with the Lord. The reality is that many parents struggle to know how to pilot their families through this turbulent time when their teens ask, “Do I believe what I believe because I believe it, or because it is what I’ve always been taught?”

Sure, these same parents guided their children well through their pre-teen years. However, once their children are in flight and headed for adulthood, dad and mom often stall. It is as if they, the parents, are flying blind. How do you guide them through their FINAL APPROACH into successful adulthood where responsibility, maturity and honor meet wisdom and a strong personal relationship with the Lord? Final Approach is a weekend conference designed to help parents learn the skills for discipling their teens, while encouraging young people to make their faith their own.

To register, please click here! Please join us for two days of eye-opening and encouraging instruction, challenge and discipleship as we unfold the secrets of raising children who can land safely in adulthood.

Blessings to All!
Steve Riddell

The Delicate Balance of Faith, Grace & Works

2011-07-19T17:13:00.002-05:00

The following is an article written by Andy Terry that I found to be one of the best explanations that trip most Christians up. With so much rancor and discussions regarding these topics, I thought it might be worthwhile to bring some balance into view. Hope you enjoy! SR

"For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God: Not of works, lest any man should boast." Eph 2:8-9 (KJV)
"Wherefore, my beloved, as ye have always obeyed, not as in my presence only, but now much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling." Phil 2:12 (KJV)
"What doth it profit, my brethren, though a man say he hath faith, and have not works? can faith save him?" James 2:14 (KJV)
You don't have to be a meteorologist to observe the effects of the collision of warm and cold air masses. I've stood out in the front yard and watched the frightening beauty of a cold front slamming into a warm front, then watched the ensuing fireworks. The show can be ominous, noisy, often destructive and sometimes fatal. When the atmosphere slips out of balance, titanic cumulonimbus clouds rise to the fight and vie for control of the skies. I've witnessed a similar "titanic struggle" materialize between the pillars cited above. *Super Saints will rise like anvil-laden thunderheads, quoting Paul's words to the church in Philippi. In their wake, they'll often leave the spiritual equivalent to storm damage, having soundly bludgeoned all within earshot. Andy's Lexicon
SUPER SAINT. This is an individual who has adopted an air of spiritual or moral supremacy among their fellow believers. Symptomatic behavior includes: The belief that they have ascended to the next spiritual plane between Earth and New Jerusalem; Belief that God has provided them with special insights not understood by the Christian "hoi polloi"; Patronizing conversations with those still considered in their own estimation to be "carnal".
RECOMMENDED TREATMENT. Liberal doses of Paul's Epistle to the Romans and time spent in front of the mirror have proven effective in treating Super Saintism.
An ordered God doesn't contradict Himself, despite apparent contradictions of these verses. Obviously, a closer look is in order. In doing so, we'll see that what appears contradictory isn't, and that there is a delicate balance between Grace and works. Salvation, "By Grace alone, through Faith alone" is foundational to historic, Biblical Christianity. Our participation in the miracle of biblical salvation is limited to our embrace and acceptance of this gift of Divine favor. To add ANYTHING else to the equation inserts a "work" of some stripe of color, and flies in the face of the statement. In fact, we could distill the statement down even further by stating that it's not our faith, but God's Grace, by which we're saved. We're not saved because we rose above the battle and accepted the Divine Invitation, we may receive that invitation because our God is infinitely gracious. None could reach the bar of God's perfection any easier than an Olympic high jumper could clear a 200-foot high jump.
The words of Paul in the Ephesian Epistle are seminal to the Historic doctrine of salvation. I hold this passage in Ephesians Chapter 2 near and dear for a number of reasons. First and foremost, it declares the miraculous means by which salvation is obtained. We've been saved by the incomprehensible Love of God the Father, through the atoning sacrifice of God the Son. It wasn't through prayers of penance, acts of contrition, the giving of tithes and offerings or anything that I could have conceived in my mind that merited salvation. It was nothing less than the unmerited favor of God. But this passage is special because as a student in homiletics, my first assignment in scriptural exegesis was to do an exegetical breakout of Ephesians 2:1-10. It was (and remains) a magnificent passage to cut one's teeth on.
One Epistle to the right of Ephesians is the Epistle to the Philippians, and here we read the seeming contradiction to work out one's salvation in "fear and trembling". The ringer is found in the General Epistle of James, where we read, that "Faith without works is dead". Believers throughout the history of the church have noticed this apparent tension. Even Luther, when confounded by the apparent contradiction referred to James as the "Epistle of Straw"1 as in his mind, it flew in the face of the Pauline doctrine of Grace and Faith.
For better or worse, I've run into extreme Arminianists along the pilgrim pathway who tend to use these latter verses as a club to beat their fellow pilgrims into a mold of their liking. Specifically, I'm speaking of those on the far edge who, view the "security of the believer" as presumption. In their dire zeitgeist, the saint is never more than a heartbeat away from loosing their salvation and falling back into the abyss of the unredeemed. These as a group, tend to place heavy emphasis on the "fear and trembling" and "works", while forgetting about "grace". Too, I've encountered extreme Calvinists who've all but completely negated the former, while focusing entirely on the latter. The God of creation is a God of harmony and order, so it's only logical that a scriptrually-balanced fulcrum has to exist within the text of God's Word. I believe that we'll see this fulcrum there in that "Epistle of Straw".
James, the Stepbrother of our Lord, was an "everyman" who could communicate and relate to every man ( women and child). From the witness of the Gospels, we may conclude that prior to the resurrection of Jesus, he was dubious if not completely doubtful of big brother's claims of messiahship. It was during that interlude between Christ's resurrection and ascension that James acknowledged the Lordship of the one who he'd known all his life as "my big brother, Jesus." This little brother became a passionate spokesman for Jesus, but he never asserted or sought any special status accorded to earthy royal relationships. His self-perception is seen in his salutation in the opening of his epistle, where he identifies himself simply as a servant of God and of the Lord Jesus Christ. Any perceived contradictions evaporate when we consider the viewpoint of this servant as he wrote to the church in general. Kent Hughes, in his commentary on the epistle sheds an insightful viewpoint2. According to Hughes, Paul approached the life of faith from an objective stance, taking time to engage counterviews while providing weighty scriptural background material from the Old Testament. James in contrast, approached the life of faith from a subjective stance. As we read James, we can see the flint striking the steel, hear the metallic resonance and feel the spark leap from the ensuing collision of elements. Paul was an apologist to the preeminent, while James was an apologist to the pew. Concerning that Fulcrum, let's consider the passage in the second chapter of James in some detail.
There is a critical presupposition to keep in mind as we view James; he's speaking to believers. This isn't an evangelistic appeal to the unredeemed; it's an appeal to those who've committed their lives and fortunes to the hands of the Savior. The epistle is written to the Church at large, and deals with the conduct of those who would wear the moniker of "Christian". That said, let's continue. Let's for a moment think of the "works" cited in this passage as "fruits". For the most part, fruit is harvested from trees and because we can pick an apple out of a lineup of fruit, when we see them hanging off of a tree, we can conclude that the tree in view is an apple tree. Apple trees produce apples, not oranges. People are capable of good works and we've observed noble acts by folk who weren't part of the family of faith. Spiritual fruit can only be produced in the lives of spiritual people. Regardless of perceived nobility or good intent, the unredeemed are incapable of producing these spiritual fruits or works. As we keep this in view, then the perceived contradiction begins its melt.
James in this passage actually compliments Paul's thoughts in Ephesians 2. As we read beyond verse 9, we see language that points to our being God's workmanship. This passage is given even greater weight in its original Greek as "workmanship" is seen in the Greek word "Poeima", the root of our contemporary word for "poem". Paul reminds us that we weren't simply redeemed in order to loll about in heavenly sunshine as the ages roll. No, we were redeemed that we might be conduits for God's outworking; to be the "doer of deeds" that He ordained from eternity past. Taking this thought to its logical conclusion, if we're not bringing forth fruitful works, or being God's T-1 line to the world, then something is amiss in our divine relationship. We don't perform good works in order to earn ( or even maintain) our redemption; good works are a consequential byproduct of that divine redemption.
As to the idea of "fear and trembling" as seen in Philippians 2:12; the resolution again falls on context and construct. Paul is neither speaking of a God whose thoughts are of short-sheeting sheep nor a vindictive deity who sits with a quiver of lightning bolts, waiting to zap a stumbling saint. We need to zoom out and look at the greater context as seen in Philippians 2:12-18. Paul calls the Philippians to live out their redemption with the senses of awe, wonder and reverence, because the Almighty is moving and working through their day-to-day lives. Think about it! The God, who spoke the sub-atomic particles into existence, is moving and working through our mundane lives! The Lord who let light trip from his lips and spun the stars and planets into orbit is moving actively in our lives on a daily basis. Awesome!
So, what's the rub in the midst of all this? The balance between grace, faith and works falls on our understanding, first on the nature or God's salvation, and second on our understanding of scripture. If we profess to be among the redeemed but our branches are without fruit, we must engage in a round of soul searching. Are we fruitless because we haven't truly been redeemed? I'm speaking of mental ascent rather than a deep heart's acceptance of the need for a savior and true repentance. We may not have truly committed our lives and fortunes to God. Or, are we fruitless because we've yet to seek God's plan for our lives once we've turned to him? Or, are we just plain (ouch!) lazy? Any of these will inhibit the production of spiritual works in our lives. To be true, the Super Saints do have an extremely limited point, though I have issues with their dire lack of love and compassion in the delivery of their message. If we were God's children, it would be considered normative to witness some evidence of that familial bond. But lest we forget for even a second; these spiritual works have not, do not, or will not EVER save us.
Soli Deo Gloria! ( To God alone, be the Glory!)

Together In Unity

2011-06-26T19:26:00.012-05:00

"Behold, how good and how pleasant it is for brethren to dwell together in unity!”-Psalms 133:1

This amazing thought is penned by David and is one of the "Songs of Degrees." Wouldn’t it be amazing if congregations were able to lift up their voices “together” and sing… “Behold, how good and how pleasant it is for brethren to dwell together in unity!”

Click here to hear a song on Unity!

The first time I ever heard this song sung was on one of the Maranatha Records Series sung by Psalty, the singing songbook. It has stuck with me ever since and yet as I get older, I see so much “dis-unity” amongst Christians, it’s no wonder that those outside the body of Christ have a hard time hearing the unifying message of Christ!

If you have ever been part of a group, a congregation, a body of believers, a church… you have undoubtedly witnessed issues or problems arise that the “group” has a hard time dealing with. Invariably, there are always people who are drawn to a particular group, and others who decide, for whatever reasons, to remove themselves from that same group. The very things that drew them “to” the group, no longer satisfy and at some point they leave looking for another group that has a greater attraction.

Our church group, like others, has not been immune and we have experienced members (many good friends of mine) leaving for a variety of reasons. Most of them that I have either spoken with, or read their comments on Facebook leave no doubt about their unhappiness or dissatisfaction with some aspect of the group of people they once were drawn to. My heart breaks over any group of people who suffer from disunity, but when it hits so close to home it affects everyone and the inevitable consequences of bitterness, taking up offences, pride, gossip, breaking of relationships, etc., takes its toll. Everyone loses in this scenario, the body of Christ is damaged and people suffer as a result.

As people divide, all the members of the once unified group are left to:

Choose sides (after all there has to be the right side and wrong side).
Wonder… “What happened?” Many of the newer members may be totally clueless to some long standing issues from the past.
Decide who or what to blame. In the movie, National Treasure 2, Sadusky catches up with Ben and the following conversation takes place; “Someone’s got to go to prison, Ben, but you’ll feel better inside.” Ben asks, “Is there a door that doesn’t lead to prison?”
Make judgments, and most of the time without the benefit of all of the facts.
Sort out the pieces and try to make sense of it all.

Unfortunately, nothing good comes from any of it. Sometimes people choose to mend broken relationships, but sadly, most do not.

Perhaps David should have penned the Psalm to read, “Behold how really bad and how unpleasant it is for brethren not to dwell together in unity!”

God clearly gives direction on how to mend broken relationships.

1 Corinthians 3:3 advises us against carnal relationships full of envy and strife. "For ye are yet carnal: for whereas there is among you envying, and strife, and divisions, are ye not carnal, and walk as men?"

1 Peter 2:1 advises us in relationships to not be hateful, envious, deceptive, nor speak evil of others. "Wherefore laying aside all malice, and all guile, and hypocrisies, and envies, and all evil speakings,"

James 3:14 advises us to rid ourselves the envy and strife that is in our hearts. “But if ye have bitter envying and strife in your hearts, glory not, and lie not against the truth.

Romans 13:13 advises us to walk honestly and not in strife and envy. "Let us walk honestly, as in the day; not in rioting and drunkenness, not in chambering and wantonness, not in strife and envying."

To all who have ever had situations where unity suffers and broken relationships occur, I am reminded of an answer that Billy Graham wrote to a woman who had a broken relationship with her mother.His words hold the answer as he extends years of biblical wisdom and counsel to her…and for that matter to all of us.

He writes, "Thank you for your letter - and I too hope your experience will cause someone to think about the broken relationships in their lives and try to do something about them. The Bible says, "If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone" (Romans 12:18).

One of life's hardest lessons is that we cannot change the past - and this is especially true when death intrudes. Then the opportunity to say something we should have said, or to do something we should have done, is gone forever. It is a bitter lesson, and one that leaves guilt and regret in its wake. The only solution is to ask God to open our eyes to things we need to do, and then give us the courage and wisdom to do them.

What should you do? First, seek God's forgiveness for your sins -- not just this one, but all of them. God loves you, and the greatest discovery you will ever make is that He wants you to be His friend forever. By a simple prayer of faith ask Jesus Christ to come into your life. He will forgive your past and give you hope for the future.

Then ask God to help you learn from this experience, and to give you a new love and a new concern for others. Jesus said, "As I have loved you, so you must love one another" (John 13:34).

As always I welcome your thoughts or ideas on this topic that certainly has wide reaching effect to many.

In Him,

Steve Riddell

3rd Response from "Anonymous"! You have to read this!!!!

2009-12-17T16:10:00.003-06:00

Dear Fathers,

This is the third response from Anonymous which I was grateful to receive and it might be an encouragement to those of you who struggle with decisions regarding your daughters. This letter really sums up the reason why I started this forum in the first place. I appreciate the debate, where iron sharpens iron. My commentary will follow his letter!

Anonymous said...: A third response needs to be added as I have been finally convinced, after reading more about you and your family. It is evident that your daughters have done well in the faith and that God has blessed them immeasureably!

I hereby humbly concede wholeheartedly regarding your admonition to fathers in the upbringing of their daughters. I have reacted out of fear that is within my own heart and not out of wisdom and faith. Your enemy has now become your advocate! I am not only convinced but convicted and encouraged to return to true doctrine in regards to protecting my daughters and to the leave the results to the Lord, of which I have faith that, as good as God is, He desires to impart blessings upon my family as well. God is faithful to me, regardless of my finances, so I must remain faithful to trust Him! I must recognize that through my meager income, there is protection from the Lord. I have found freedom and I am now grateful to God for providing the opportunity to be reprimanded! Thank you for being patient and it is my hope that some other father like me can benefit from my folly and coming to wisdom.

Please pass on to us regarding the raising of sons in relation to learning a trade-skill/college. I have a couple of sons as well and would appreciate your view. Do you have sons and if so, what have they done regarding careers?

Dear Anonymous:

I sincerely appreciate your response and rejoice in your renewed trust in the Lord who is anxious to do a mighty work in you and your family.

For me, fear has always been a struggle to deal with. Fear, at its core, will almost always lead to poor decisions and usually results in "paralysis of analysis" and feelings of inadequacy. What I find interesting is that we fear the things we do not know. The interesting part is that if we knew certain things....we would be more fearful (for example...if we knew when we were going to die...we would be almost paralyzed with fear).

While I am not always good at dealing with it, I have learned over the years to channel fear into prayer. Prayer lays fear at the feet of our Lord and once fear is removed, we become open to the Lord's leading and direction. It is only when we walk with the Lord that are eyes and ears are open to the way in which He would have us be as husbands, fathers and believers. The following song says it all:

When we walk with the Lord in the light of His Word,
What a glory He sheds on our way!
While we do His good will, He abides with us still,
And with all who will trust and obey.

Trust and obey, for there’s no other way
To be happy in Jesus, but to trust and obey.

Not a shadow can rise, not a cloud in the skies,
But His smile quickly drives it away;
Not a doubt or a fear, not a sigh or a tear,
Can abide while we trust and obey.

Not a burden we bear, not a sorrow we share,
But our toil He doth richly repay;
Not a grief or a loss, not a frown or a cross,
But is blessed if we trust and obey.

But we never can prove the delights of His love
Until all on the altar we lay;
For the favor He shows, for the joy He bestows,
Are for them who will trust and obey.

Then in fellowship sweet we will sit at His feet.
Or we’ll walk by His side in the way.
What He says we will do, where He sends we will go;
Never fear, only trust and obey.

May God bless you abundantly as you seek and serve Him!

Steve Riddell

PS. Check back soon as I am working on an article that will address issues with sons. No, I only have daughters, but I have spent a good amount of time working with fathers of sons and teenagers in general.

2nd Response to Anonymous

2009-12-12T14:05:00.003-06:00

I received a reply from "Anonymous" which has been posted here! Here are my comments which you men might find valuable.....sr

Dear Anonymous

Apology accepted. Now if we can just get past the name calling (pride, arrogant), we might just be able to achieve "honest" debate. Those interested in searching for answers rarely cast stones in others directions simply for what they believe.

Your choice to remain anonymous is your right, but anonymity and anger always results in saying things you regret later.

Here are some questions and commentary for you to carefully consider and if you can lay your anger and thoughts regarding what you perceive as "arrogance" towards me on the table, you might see things that currently blind your thinking.

1. How is my approach "arrogant" when I say over and over again that these are my beliefs, thoughts, etc. I even write that..."Thoughts and beliefs are molded by healthy debate and substantive input. Wisdom comes from our creator. As I attempt to give answers, share insight and provide thoughtful essays on a variety of subjects, I will leave it to you to decide for yourself if there in any wisdom in what is written."

2. I cannot change nor alter my current state nor my financial state. I have had periods in my life when I had "need" and I have had other periods when life was free from "financial" concern. Your remarks regarding my ability to "pay" for music lessons when you are not able to do so seem "bitter" to me. Incidentally, the majority of lessons that my kids have had over the years was paid for by my father-in-law. My heart aches for others who hurt both financially and in other ways. That said, my experience and observation has been that when finances are strained, people always still find a way to learn and pursue the things that they are passionate about. Passion always trumps the lack of finances.

3. Where in my article do I state anything negative towards young ladies learning to have a good income? Its just not there. My counsel has always been that I think it unwise for young ladies to "go off to college" to pursue a degree. Colleges have one purpose and one purpose only...to help the student pursue a "Career" in the workplace, not to become a "Keeper at Home". This coupled with encouraging a spirit of "independence" and reliance upon "self" is the danger that I see and that the Bible warns of. If a young lady wishes to pursue a degree, she can do so from the home and can adequately prepare for a number of ways to make a good income.

4. Why agree with your wife that it was good for her to be a Keeper at Home, but change your mind when it comes to your daughters? Where does contentment fit into your picture? Doesn't it make sense that your daughters will attract men in the workplace who "value" their work and income they provide? To me, it is both inconsistent and naive to conclude that they will attract a man who values their desire to be a "keeper at home" when they are around men who are "in" the workplace with them.

5. Where do I pass judgement on people whose circumstances are different from my own? Are you not holding me to a different standard than you are willing to hold to yourself? You ask me to be more "sensitive" and then lash out at me calling me "arrogant", "prideful" and lacking in "humility". I can only write about the things that I know have had significance in my marriage, my raising of a family and in my life. I apologize profusely if that offends you or makes your feel inadequate. The Lord knows we have made our share of mistakes and we have paid a price as well in many ways for those mistakes.

6. Your own feelings or guilt of inadequacy will never be solved by lashing out at people who are trying to help. My intent is not to lift myself up by putting others down. I don't believe that my writings do that, but as you know, interpretation is individual. It would be best if you would read what was written, than to become so blinded by bitterness and anger that you see things that are not there.

Your comments will be taken to heart as I am sure that God has some work still left to do on me. I assure you that I do not believe I have done everything perfect and I have the scars to prove it. That said, scars provide reminders for us not to repeat the same mistakes. If we can help others avoid the scars, we then have a "true" fellowship of believers. As always, I leave it to you to decide if anything I have written here contains any wisdom....that is for you to decide.

My very best regards,

Steve Riddell

A Response to an Anonymous Post!

2009-12-08T16:58:00.008-06:00

In my article entitled, “What Happened to Civility?,” I quoted from USA today the following, "American society is among the most informal in the world, and often that informality crosses over into incivility. Now, you add the informality of the Internet to this culture, and all bets are off.”
“The ability to comment about others from a distance and with anonymity is the Web's hallmark and its poison, says Jerry Bowles, co-founder of SocialMediaToday.com, which keeps tabs on the impact of social media on society. Bowles' recent blog post lamented the recent erosion of civility.”
“The Web seems to turn most people into adversaries, and in doing so, we tend to lose the ability to really talk to each other," he says. "This is particularly true for politics on the Web, where the comments tend to run to the extremes and sometimes can be downright seditious. I find it scary."
As a general rule, I don’t comment on “Anonymous” posts. Anonymous posts are usually written by people who say things anonymously that they would never have the nerve to say to a person’s face and I find debating with anonymous posters to be a serious waste of time as they tend to read what they want to read as opposed to reading what was written and attempting to understand both intent and content.
That said, I recently received an “anonymous” post with a bunch of questions which you fathers may find helpful as you study this most important topic of whether to send your daughter off to college or not. It is obvious that this anonymous poster has a personal problem with me (as indicated by how the letter is signed), as opposed to a real desire to know, but we will attempt to answer the questions posed. My answers are in parenthesis for clarity.

Dear Mr.R.

Stumbled to this website and appreciate it for what it is but have a question...(Hardly anyone stumbles across this site, but nice try!)
If Christian girls should not become nurses, then are you saying that you desire ungodly women to be the only caretakers of your family members? (This is an example of reading what you want to read not what was written. Christian girls are free to do, become and be anything they want to be and nowhere in my article do I say that Christian girls should not become nurses. I invite you to go back and read the article. Last time I checked, this was a free country. The reference is listed as an example of a true situation and the whole point of the story is that “all decisions” have consequences. Fathers who ignore this point do so at their own peril and the peril of their families. I see danger in encouraging our young ladies to work outside of the home and the Bible warns us that women are to be “keepers at home”. God said it…I didn’t! Here is what I said, “I then asked, so….let me get this straight…you are going to send your virgin daughter off to nursing school, to learn how to take care of patients, give sponge baths to guys, see other husbands in various stages of undress, learn to take care of herself, earn her own income and be self-sufficient, etc. and then honestly expect that when Mr. Right comes calling that she will instantly have her heart “turned” towards the home and be interested in him and him alone? Besides, wouldn’t it make sense that the very things that attracted Mr. Right to her, would be the very things he values in a wife (independence, career, money, etc.)? It would be a rare man who met, found and became interested in a woman in the workplace that would find value in a woman whose interest was being at home! The logic of this would be inconsistent at best. We live in an age that encourages women to work “outside” of the home and Christians who have bought into this model are deceived. Galatians 6:7 says, “Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows.” If you sow independence, self-sufficiency and discontentment “in” the home with your young ladies, you will reap exactly the same thing and to think otherwise, God says….you are deceived.)
And are you saying that Christian girls that do become nurses cannot have a truly pure relationship with their husbands because they have cleaned the bedpans of ill gentlemen? (This is another example of reading what you want to read. I never said nor implied that a “pure” relationship could not be achieved. I think it would be difficult for a young woman or a young man to see others in various stages of undress and then have “eyes” for his/her spouse and him/her alone. A person either gets aroused or de-sensitized, both of which is bad for the intimacy of a marriage.)
Why should your daughters even bother to learn to supplement income from the home? (Because the Bible says it is wise to do so. Read Proverbs 31.)
Do they not trust that the Lord will send the perfect man that has sufficient income? (Again, you are asking questions about things that my article never states nor intimates. The sufficiency of a man’s income has nothing to do with trusting the Lord. The bible says to “Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight. (Proverbs 3:5-6))
What about the many nurses that you do know who, when they became wives and mothers, stayed home and properly raises their children? (What about them????? The article is not written about them. Its scope is directed to fathers who are trying to decide what to do with their daughters. Trying to stretch the comments and make them say what you think I am saying is neither fair debate nor honest in intent.)
Did you really struggle financially whenever your wife decided to stay home? (Yes!!! The nature of the question infers that I am not being honest….was that your intent?)
Do you believe that the girl in your post who was unable to finish nursing school is now living in sin with her husband and that her husband was not God's will just because she, in your opinion, should not have gone to school whatsoever? (How ridiculous! I am not sure how to even go about commenting on this question. Where do I state that going to college is sin? ….Becoming a nurse is sin?...etc. etc.
I Corinthians 3:18 suggests, “Let no man deceive himself. If any man among you seemeth to be wise in this world, let him become a fool, that he may be wise.”)
I know several young ladies (and some not so young) who met their husbands through e-harmony, what do you think of that? (All decisions have consequences…some work out, others don’t, but that doesn’t make the decision a wise one. That said, I pass no judgment, but I fail to see how this relates to “anything” in my article.)
Training our children to love the Lord first, love their families and serve them, love others in the world and serve the lost should be the plan here! (Who said it wasn’t?)
What about those missionary nurses who had to get training to minister with their missionary husbands? (The article was not directed at Nurses, the nursing field, those who got training to be a nurse etc.)
Did they really sin whenever they went to school but somehow God just forgave them enough to use them on the missionary field? (Really now, it is obvious that you did not read the article….please read it as this question is really reaching at something that is not there!)
What missionary work have your daughters served in? (Serving the Lord comes in all forms and fashion. The answer is yes, they have been involved in many forms of ministry with our family, and they are doing what the Lord has called them to do. One does not have to serve in a “foreign” land to do missionary work. According to scripture, Paul told Titus that “older” women are to teach “younger” women…That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed. Titus 2:4-5.)
How do they serve the Lord through reaching a lost and dying world? (The same way any Christian should, “Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy strength, and with all thy mind; and thy neighbor as thyself. And thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind, and with all thy strength: this is the first commandment. The idea that a woman who becomes a keeper at home cannot serve God through reaching a lost and dying world is absurd. It is through her relationship with her husband, her family and her Lord that people will see her testimony and be drawn even more to Jesus.)
Oh, teaching music lessons in a comfortable home to Christian students, yes, that's it. (Now…sarcasm here shows the intent of your heart. Who said they only teach “Christian” students. In fact, over the years many of their students have not been Christians. My daughters have reached many young minds and hearts for the Lord through teaching music and in many other ways. God has blessed them with amazing ministries right from our home. I won't tell you all about it and we'll save some rewards for heaven. Following Biblical principles and commands will always yield good fruit. The Bible says, “Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.” When you demean work in the home and raise up work “outside” of the home, you demean mothers and daughters who have found fulfillment and contentment by leading a quiet life at home.)

Signed,
A parent who is tired of prideful men telling others what to do all the time but leaves out serving the Lord Jesus Christ through ministry. (Whew!....This is what anonymity does! It emboldens people to say things that they would hardly say in person. I am terribly sorry you feel this way, but your argument is with God, not me and you sure don't know me very well!)
Steve Riddell (yep…this is the real me, not the anonymous one!)

What Happened to Civility?

2009-09-21T21:55:00.000-05:00

I thought it rather ironic that a friend of mine phoned me to let me know of an article that appeared in USA Today this past week. The headline read, "What Happened to Civility?" The events of this past week of public personalities (Kanye West, Serena Williams and Rep. Joe Williams) displaying angry and childish behavior that is so un-civil it decries all logic and reasoning, just underscores the issues that I have been observing for several years.
What follows is an excerpt from that article:
"American society is among the most informal in the world, and often that informality crosses over into incivility," he says. "Now, you add the informality of the Internet to this culture, and all bets are off. It's an age of total disclosure and total expression, with very little concern for the feelings of others."
The ability to comment about others from a distance and with anonymity is the Web's hallmark and its poison, says Jerry Bowles, co-founder of SocialMediaToday.com, which keeps tabs on the impact of social media on society. Bowles' recent blog post lamented the recent erosion of civility.
"The Web seems to turn most people into adversaries, and in doing so, we tend to lose the ability to really talk to each other," he says. "This is particularly true for politics on the Web, where the comments tend to run to the extremes and sometimes can be downright seditious. I find it scary."
Is there any antidote to such venom?
"It starts with an apology," Forni says. "That is what restores the bones of civil society."
As someone who writes articles for a blog, I am part of this whole grand experiment in cyberspace. Never before have we had the access to information and written material as we do now. The whole idea of using a phone book to find a phone number is almost obsolete. Whenever I have a question, I almost always search out the answer on the internet with both speed and efficiency.
The rise and use of the internet, especially among young people, has given way to more and more concerns I have for Christian children and teenagers. The unbridled access to information which has no "age appropriate" filters to guard the eyes is even more alarming. But I guess the most disturbing trend of all is exactly what this article refers to as the death of civility, especially the trend of "incivility" I am observing in young people towards others, especially adults.
One doesn't have to go back very many years to remember the unwritten rule that young people were to respect their elders, even if they disagreed with them. There were just some things you would never say to an adult no matter how mad or angry they made you. The older the person was, the more respect they were to be given in spite of your own personal feelings, understanding that you might not know everything you think you knew!
My goals in writing articles for this blog have remained the same since I started. I wanted to provide encouragement to other like-minded fathers while at the same time being encouraged by others who found value in what I wrote. I have never believed that everythng I have written or believe would be adopted our espoused by others but sought to provide ideas and present what I believe the Lord is saying to me in certain areas of my family life. You can well imagine that I have recieved some very interesting comments, but what I find most interesting is that all of what I would term "negative" or "disrespectful" comments have come from anonymous sources."Hiding behind anonymity has unfortunately become the norm. There are things that people say "anonymously" that they would never have the courage to say to a persons face. The internet is spawning a whole new wave of incivility to the point where it will soon be difficult to define respect.
If I could encourage fathers in any way, it would be to encourage your children to interact with other vocally and less over the internet. Even in my own business, I am constantly encouraging those who work for me to use less email and more interaction. It is through face to face interaction with others that we learn the very hallmarks and rules of civility. Social networking 20 years ago was something we did with each other in our families and with friends. Let's not lose the very fabric of love, joy, peace, patience, goodness, kindess, brotherly love to this thing we call the internet. The more we use the internet as our means of communication and teach our children to do the same, the more at some point we will have to all learn how to actual speak with each other as it becomes foreign to us to do so.
God Bless You,
Steve R.

Is It The Best or Worst of Times For Your Family?

2009-09-13T23:48:00.004-05:00

The opening line from Charles Dickens 1859 novel, "Tale of Two Cities", declares.... "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times; it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness; it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity; it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness; it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair; we had everything before us, we had nothing before us; we were all going directly to Heaven, we were all going the other way."

These lines were penned exactly 150 years ago and yet, if no one had read this book and was reading these lines for the first time, it would appear that the author was speaking about the year 2009. The paradox of the words above speak directly to Christians all over this land. The sermons that could be preached from the opening lines of Tale of Two Cities could well go on for over a year.

As I sit here this evening, I am reminded of several Christian fathers I know who are in the "winter of despair". They have been out of work for some time with no prospects on the horizon for employment. Some are on the verge of "losing" their children to the world and they don't even know it. I know men who for years knew what they believed and now seem to be travelling a different path, questioning their past beliefs and using "grace" to explain their actions, succumbing to the "epoch of incredulity". There are men I know, who for years have been praying for wisdom and understanding in knowing how to guide their children as they age, only to find that when that time arrives, that the wisdom they prayed for goes unheeded, unused and they choose a foolish path thinking themselves to be wise.

As homeschooling families, seeking an alternative to government education, passionate about leading our families, keeping Christ as the center of home, school and work...."we had everything before us", but for many it seems the truth is "we have nothing before us" now. My heart breaks as I witness years of discipline, hard work, sacrifice, prayer, training, effort and vision give way to doubt, second-guessing, pressure, fear and lies straight from Satan. I stand in amazement at the number of once visionary homeschooling families with the idea of raising a Godly seed with arrows to send out that fly straight and true that are falling apart at the seams and some have no idea it is happening.

Long before Charles Dickens penned those famous lines, the Lord had his own version on those same thoughts in Romans 1:20-32.

"For the invisible things of him from the creation of the world are clearly seen, being understood by the things that are made, even his eternal power and Godhead; so that they are without excuse: Because that, when they knew God, they glorified him not as God, neither were thankful; but became vain in their imaginations, and their foolish heart was darkened.
Professing themselves to be wise, they became fools, And changed the glory of the incorruptible God into an image made like to corruptible man, and to birds, and four footed beasts, and creeping things. Wherefore God also gave them up to uncleanness through the lusts of their own hearts, to dishonour their own bodies between themselves: Who changed the truth of God into a lie, and worshipped and served the creature more than the Creator, who is blessed for ever. Amen.

For this cause God gave them up unto vile affections: for even their women did change the natural use into that which is against nature: And likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust one toward another; men with men working that which is unseemly, and receiving in themselves that recompense of their error which was meet. And even as they did not like to retain God in their knowledge, God gave them over to a reprobate mind, to do those things which are not convenient; Being filled with all unrighteousness, fornication, wickedness, covetousness, maliciousness; full of envy, murder, debate, deceit, malignity; whisperers, backbiters, haters of God, despiteful, proud, boasters, inventors of evil things, disobedient to parents, Without understanding, covenant breakers, without natural affection, implacable, unmerciful: Who knowing the judgment of God, that they which commit such things are worthy of death, not only do the same, but have pleasure in them that do them."

If I might take some liberty with the scripture above and personalize it to Christian homeschool fathers, it might read like this:

For those of us who have sat through conferences, homeschool training sessions, solid biblical preaching and know that the invisible things are clearly seen in creation....we are without excuse! There was a time when we knew God and many of us still attend church, but have become vain in our own imaginations and have had our heart darkened to the point that our beliefs do not match up with the picture and vision for our family that we once had. Some have changed the truth of God into a lie and God is giving their families up to their own vile affections and to a reprobate mind to do those things which are not convenient.

Fathers, let me ask you some straight and direct questions that you should answer for yourself. If you are truthful in answering these questions, you might see some real blind spots and save yourself and your family from following a path that leads to "unintended consequences".

1. Why did you choose to homeschool your children?
2. What was the end picture or vision you had for your family and especially your children?
3. What has worked for you? What has not turned out so well?
4. Write down the names of each of your children on a piece of paper. Answer yes or no to the following:

a. Lives for Jesus and I see it his/her life everyday.
b. Studies the Bible regularly and has conversations with you about his/her thoughts and how it pertains to daily life.
c. His/her outward appearance bears the mark of a Christian and honors God.
d. He/she pursues the things of the Lord in conversation, desire, work and seeks to honor God in all things.
e. He/she has a content spirit.
f. He/she honors you and your wife and is subject to your authority in all things.
g. He/she treats their mother with devotion and respect
h. He/she does not deceive you and has shown accountability and responsibility with age.
i. Parenting him/her has become easier with age...not more difficult.
j. You regularly witness him/her doing something for others with less devotion to self and more devotion to other people.
k. He/she is diligent in family responsibilities and takes delight in menial chores and duties.
l. You notice that as he/she ages, that with less guidance from you, wiser decisions and choices are made.
m. You can leave him/her alone and never wonder if he/she is up to something that they shouldn't be doing.
n. He/she enjoys being with the family and seeks your company as opposed to friends and peers.
o. He/she has a "good" relationship with you.
p. He/she seeks your counsel for decisions and you audibly hear him/her pray for wisdom often.
q. His/her relationship with siblings is special and close.
r. He/she respects other men and women who are older and see value in their counsel and wisdom.
s. I don't worry about his/her salvation and know he/she is saved.
t. I see regular progress being made in his/her maturity and wisdom.
u. He/she doesn't push the line to see how far he/she can get to the edge without falling over.
v. He/she usually does the right thing or seeks the right path.
w. His/her friends encourage him/her spiritually. He/she chooses friends wisely.
x. You completely trust him/her.
y. You have his/her heart and he/she trusts you completely.
z. He/she is not in rebellion.

5. What did you believe when you first started to homeschool on the following topics and has anything changed?
a. Dress
b. College
c. Courtship/Dating
d. Marriage
e. Discipline
f. Sons
g. Daughters
h. Authority
i. Music

If anything has changed, has it made your family stronger, wiser, and more fruitful?
Have you noticed anything that has given you reason to pause?
Are there changes in behavior you know exist but you just can't put your finger on it?
Are you more conservative in your beliefs and thinking or more liberal?

Obviously, there are a host of questions that could be asked, but these should get you started.

I am reminded of the passage in Matthew 7:16-20 which says,

"Ye shall know them by their fruits. Do men gather grapes of thorns, or figs of thistles? Even so every good tree bringeth forth good fruit; but a corrupt tree bringeth forth evil fruit. A good tree cannot bring forth evil fruit, neither can a corrupt tree bring forth good fruit. Every tree that bringeth not forth good fruit is hewn down, and cast into the fire. Wherefore by their fruits ye shall know them.

When it comes to evaluating our families and especially our children, use this passage as the litmus test and ask yourself, "What fruit am I witnessing in the lives of my children"?

If you really are interested in taking critical feedback well, ask someone you respect to be candid and share with you what they see or don't see in the lives of your children as fruit. Fruit on a tree in easy to spot and is unmistakable in its shape and form. No one looks at an apple tree and sees lemons! If the fruit is evident, it will be in plain sight and all who cast their eyes on it will see it.

May God bless you and your family as you seek Him in all things. When we get to the point when our children have left home, may we also arrive at the point where we have few regrets.

As fathers, we must remove the paradox if we are going to be able to say about our family life... "It was the best of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the epoch of belief; it was the season of Light; it was the spring of hope; we had everything before us; we are all going directly to Heaven!"

Seeking Him in all things!
Steve Riddell

The Mind Is A Terrible Thing To Waste!

2009-08-31T00:25:00.006-05:00

(A Letter from a Young Man)

I came across your Father's forum website and enjoyed reading. You have a lot of wisdom and I enjoy your depth of thinking. Please continue to write this blog and give your insights and thinking about giving advice for young men. There is a need, and you are the kind of guy that can help young men think and prepare for life. I don't know if you really understand what it's like being a Christian as a young guy in my generation. I feel bombarded by foolishness and filth from every side. How is a man supposed to be in the world, but not of it? It is so easy to go the direction of perversion and compromise.

Something else is I have seen is so much fakeness with Christians who act superficial and fake. People who talk so much, but their every day lives are not put into action. Many times I don't feel like saying much or speaking too often about my faith, because it feels cheap and I don't want to be associated with this kind of person. It's difficult and deep down it can be quite discouraging. Obviously I have the Lord, but there are few men to really set the example. I know this is the kind of guy I want to be. A man of wisdom, character, and spiritual backbone. I have a lot of sincere guys that I am surrounded with that I know I can impact, and so often I don't know where to start. I don't think any of them really ever saw the kind of lady you envision for the home. To find a godly girl who is a hard worker, seeks wisdom, and desires to be a homemaker is like an obsolete thing. I don't know any. I've seen girls who say they are Christians, but they seek their desires or their careers. They don't see their aspirations to be helpmates, and the men don't even consider that is what they should desire to do. In my mind, I'd rather just stay single my whole life. It's far easier. Women just seem like an added burden from the ones I see. Mr. Riddell, your probably one of the most interesting people that I have met. I am really happy the Lord brought us into each others path.

You taught so much!

_______________________

This is a letter I received from a young man who I have been corresponding with for some time. It tears at my heart and it is my hope that many fathers will read this and I hope become shaken to the core by what he writes above.

I don't know that being a man has ever been easy for life can come at you with so many twists and turns. It seems as if the time in your life when you need the "most" amount of wisdom and understanding...you have the least, and when you have finally become somewhat wise, life is over and you really don't need it anymore.

There is a "rebel" in all of us and it comes out in many ways. I find it fascinating that all men can display moments of "maturity" and "immaturity" all within the same body and sometimes within the same hour of the day.

In my reading the other day, I came across Romans 7:15-25. It seem Paul was confronted with this same "rebel" within.

"For that which I do I allow not: for what I would, that do I not; but what I hate, that do I. If then I do that which I would not, I consent unto the law that it is good. Now then it is no more I that do it, but sin that dwelleth in me. For I know that in me (that is, in my flesh,) dwelleth no good thing: for to will is present with me; but how to perform that which is good I find not. For the good that I would I do not: but the evil which I would not, that I do. Now if I do that I would not, it is no more I that do it, but sin that dwelleth in me. I find then a law, that, when I would do good, evil is present with me. For I delight in the law of God after the inward man: But I see another law in my members, warring against the law of my mind, and bringing me into captivity to the law of sin which is in my members. O wretched man that I am! who shall deliver me from the body of this death? I thank God through Jesus Christ our Lord. So then with the mind I myself serve the law of God; but with the flesh the law of sin."

To my friend, I say....I suppose each generation has its own set of problems, temptations and issues. Each successive generation though is pretty much presented with the same kind of sins, albeit in different forms.

It doesn't take much to read Paul's words of lament in Romans and infer that same exact lament in your letter to me. But God gives us the answer through Paul at the end of this passage....."So Then...With the "Mind" I myself serve the law of God; but with the "flesh" the law of sin! He prefaced this with thankfulness to God through Jesus Christ.

There are several attitudes of mind that need to be renewed. I have listed them for you to reference. If we serve the law of God with our mind...then we must be attentive to the attitudes that keep us from doing so. Read the following scriptural references.

Rom. 1:28 - "a depraved mind, to do things which are not proper"
Rom. 8:5,7 - "mind set on the flesh"
Rom. 12:16 - "haughty in mind" *
II Cor. 4:4 - "blinded the minds of unbelieving"
II Cor. 11:3 - "minds led astray from simplicity and purity to Christ" *
Eph. 2:3 - "the desires of the flesh and of the mind"
Eph. 4:17 - "the futility of their mind" *
Phil. 3:19 - "set their minds on earthly things" *
Col. 1:21 - "alienated and hostile in mind"
Col. 2:18 - "inflated without cause by a fleshly mind" *
Titus 1:15 - "their mind and their conscience are defiled"

The Bible then calls for a renewal of the mind that will help to assist in our own internal "transformation". Again, look at what the Bible has to say with regard to the "renewing of your mind". Why would our mind have to be "renewed"? The simple answer is found in your own laments above. Paul was lamenting the same things. He found so many things that surrounded him that he found disturbing not only with people but with his own behavior. He knew he could not change anything about himself on his own. He even found that his own "members" were warring against each other.

Read these passages and see what God has to say on the subject.

Rom. 12:2 - "be transformed by the renewing of your mind" *
II Cor. 4:16 - "our inner man is being renewed day by day" *
Eph. 4:23 - "be renewed in the spirit of your mind" *
Col. 3:10 - "the new man is being renewed to a true knowledge..." *
Titus 3:5 - "renewing by the Holy Spirit"

Once the "mind" has been renewed, the attitudes of a renewed mind are brought forth and we find ourselves in a much better place, with a totally different outlook not only internally, but also with those we come in contact with.

Look what God promises we will find when we have this transformation in our thinking.

Isa. 26:3 - "the steadfast of mind Thou wilt keep in perfect peace"
Jere. 17:10 - "I, the Lord, search the heart, I test the mind"
Jere. 20:12 - "The Lord who sees the mind and the heart"
Matt. 22:37 - "Love the Lord with all your heart, soul, mind and strength" *
Rom. 14:5 - "let each man be fully convinced in his own mind" *
I Cor. 2:16 - "we have the mind of Christ"
Phil. 2:5 - "have this mind in you which was also in Christ Jesus" *
Phil. 4:8 - "whatever is true, right, pure...let your mind dwell on these..." *
Col. 3:2 - "set your mind on things above, not on things on the earth" *
Heb. 8:10; 10:16 - "I will put my laws into their minds"
I Pet. 1:13 - "gird your minds for action" *
Rev. 2:23 - "I am He who searches the minds and hearts"

So, you might ask, Why does the mind need to be renewed? I can think of many reasons and I have found personal success and "peace of mind" when I get myself there.

You see, the mind has been programmed with natural "established attitudes". These are the beliefs, thoughts, ideas, opinions, convictions, prejudices that we have concerning ourselves, others, objects, activities, God, and the list could go on.

How were these formed? Attitudes are formed by either recommendation from others (parents, educational system, society, books, TV, movies,religious training, etc.) or personal reflection (personal observation, experience or compromise).

These "established attitudes" are permeated with fleshly "personal interest" of selfishness and sinfulness. If there was a mental-video device that could record all the thoughts that go through your mind, would you want to play it back for everyone?

The part that we can't ignore is that God knows our every thought. If that does not reveal the necessity of renewing the mind I am not sure what does? The mind needs to be renewed with Godly "established attitudes" that come in the form of both "regenerative renewal" (Titus 3:5, I Cor. 2:16, Heb. 8:10) and "continual renewal" (Phil 2:5, 4:8 and Col. 3:2).

The thoughts and attitudes of the mind serve as the conduits which allow for the mobilization of Godly behavior by divine energy. Prov. 23:7 says that "As a man thinks in his soul, so is he (in behavior), and I Pet. 1:13 urges us to "gird your minds for action"!

The combination of our "established attitudes" develop into a "mind-set" about ourselves, other people, things, ideas, situations and most importantly...God! These attitudes can lead us into a whole range of problems, issues, and sin, where we begin to question some of the truths that we know within our heart are right, but external influences and attitudes convince otherwise.
When we have a mind-set about ourselves we have a false sense of identity. We become conceited and consumed with "how do I look?" Our mind is flooded with emotion and guilt which leads to attitudes of worthlessness or inferiority. We then develop a mind-set about other people. We get into people pleasing and often become self-conscious. We give into vain imaginations and develop fears, phobias along with attitudes of anger, impatience, hate, bitterness, resentment, revenge, suspicion, criticism, jealousy, unforgiveness, blame, depression, and co-dependency.

When we develop a mind-set about things materialism becomes paramount in our lives with a constant quest to answer the question, "what am I going to buy next?" In this state we love things, we use people, and we find addictions to substances, objects, etc. as our only outlet.

An obsessive mind-set about ideas has at its core a quest for knowledge. We become obsessed with a desire to be correct, accurate, or right, but often use our knowledge to prove or disprove our own thinking. Proverbs 14:12 cautions when God warns, "There is a way which seemeth right unto a man, but the end thereof are the ways of death."We then can develop a mind-set about situations and become paralyzed by fear. We conjure what might happen or give our minds over to the hypothetical and become consumed with worry and panic about our own inability to cope.

Without the "renewing of our mind we develop a dangerous mind-set about God. We can become so cynical with those around us, especially those who are Christians...to the point where God becomes irrelevant, archaic, out-modded, and unnecessary.

For young men to learn how to renew their minds, fathers must go through the transformation themselves. I fear we get so caught up with the "provision" side of our lives that we fail to extend leadership and develop a "relationship" with our sons and daughters. A loving relationship will almost always develop into a situation in which our children will continue to follow our leadership. If we allow our sons and daughters to get to the point where their own "minds" are filled with doubt and lack of trust we open them up to Satan's ability to gain a "foothold" on their lives. Fathers, don't let the rebel within you convince you that providing for your sons or daughters will be the key to their long term happiness and success.

If we "renew" our minds, then we will know what the will of the Lord is for our lives. I am reminded of the passage in Philippians 2 which reads:

"Wherefore, my beloved, as ye have always obeyed, not as in my presence only, but now much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling. For it is God which worketh in you both to will and to do of his good pleasure. Do all things without murmurings and disputings: That ye may be blameless and harmless, the sons of God, without rebuke, in the midst of a crooked and perverse nation, among whom ye shine as lights in the world; Holding forth the word of life; that I may rejoice in the day of Christ, that I have not run in vain, neither laboured in vain. Yea, and if I be offered upon the sacrifice and service of your faith, I joy, and rejoice with you all. For the same cause also do ye joy, and rejoice with me."

Let this be the day that you renew your mind, change your way of thinking and take care to develop the kind of relationships with your children where they will willingly and gratefully submit to your leadership and "know" how to renew their own minds.

To my friend...your laments are similar to Paul's. He found the answer in renewing his own mind. I trust that you will find not only comfort but the answers you seek when you do the same.

Praying for you in all things,

Steve Riddell

Resurrecting Hope - I Peter 1: 1-9

2009-07-21T01:07:00.005-05:00

The 1998 movie, Hope Floats, is a tale about a woman struggling to recover from her husband's infidelity. It shows how she and her child cope with the problems caused by the break up of their family and starting over. The mother, Birdie Pruitt, thinks she's going to receive a makeover on a national TV talk show, only to discover the real purpose of the program is to uncover her husband's affair with her best friend. Horrified, Birdie returns to her small-town Texas home and tries to pull life back together for herself and her daughter. Towards the end of the movie, Birdie and her husband are arguing loudly in front of their daughter about the pain, deceit, and anger his adultery has caused. She tells him, "I would have stayed with you forever. I would have turned myself inside out for you!" But Bill won't hear it. He says he finally found happiness for himself, and he's going to take it. Finally, Birdie tells him to leave since she's got the best part of him anyway, namely, their daughter Bernice. Bill turns to go, and is pursued by Bernice down the stairs and out to the car. She calls out, "I'm coming with you, Daddy!" but her dad keeps walking to the car.

The girl, terrified of losing her father, tries to get in the car with him, begging, "Daddy, I need you!"--but he refuses her. He says sternly, "I promise to come back for you, but I am starting a new life with Connie now." As she screams and sobs, his raised voice has an empty ring to it as he keeps repeating, "I promise...I promise...I promise." With that he drives off, leaving Bernice completely devastated, wailing until her mom comes and picks her up.

Bernice had hope. Throughout the movie she hopes that her father will finally come for her.
But it is clear that will never happen. Her hope sank, for her hope was placed in an untrustworthy object, a faithless father. So little Bernice, who had hope, ends up hopeless.

Consider with me another scenario, one in which the hopes and dreams of a few are dashed with the death of their friend. When the disciples gathered, barricaded behind bolted doors, they were certain that nothing good could ever come out of their lives now. The best they could do was resurrect the lives they had before Jesus died. Yet into those hopeless lives, hope was born on that first Easter morning. Peter’s hopes were soundly defeated at the Cross.The one who had hopes of defending his Lord to his very death proved to be only a boast made before his friends.

But he who had hoped so boldly, failed so miserably. His hope was devastated by a girl’s question, melting his bravado, in turn denying his Lord. Into the darkness Peter ran, weeping bitterly. Hope was destroyed. The dawn could not bring hope; with the crowing of the cock he heard the echo of his curses. But some thirty years later, Peter writes a letter of hope. To those suffering the hopeless lives of pain and turmoil, Peter writes with confidence, a sure hope,
a hope that holds the future in the present because it is anchored in the past.

What has changed for Peter? The profound events of Christ’s Resurrection reverse the hopeless life of Peter so much so that he, because of the mercy of God the Father, can breathe hope in the hopeless.

If you have ever been a stranger, felt scattered, sensed your very foundation has been destroyed and wondered if you could ever find the voice to sing God’s praises,
if hope has been hard for you, then listen to how the Resurrection is the foundation for hope. We have hope!

1. Peter, an apostle of Jesus Christ, To God's elect, strangers in the world, scattered throughout Pontus, Galatia, Cappadocia, Asia and Bithynia,

2. who have been chosen according to the foreknowledge of God the Father, through the sanctifying work of the Spirit, for obedience to Jesus Christ and sprinkling by his blood: Grace and peace be yours in abundance.

3. Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead,

4. and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade--kept in heaven for you,

5. who through faith are shielded by God's power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time.

6. In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials.

7. These have come so that your faith--of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire--may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed.

8. Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy,

9. for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls.

We have hope for the Resurrection gives us new birth. Peter opens his letter to suffering believers with praise to God the Father for what He has done. But how can praise be uttered when life seems so unfair, so painful? Tucked in verse 3 the foundation is stated, the Resurrection of Christ from the dead. This is the basis for the hope which Peter expresses throughout his letter.

First, Christ’s Resurrection spells hope for us not just because He lives, but because, by God’s mercy, we live. Far too often we are short sighted when it comes to the Resurrection. We can mouth the words that Christ who died for our sins now lives, but we miss the important connection. If the one who took our place on the Cross dies and then rises, then we have died and been risen as well. In John’s Gospel there is a powerful interchange between Jesus and Martha while Lazarus still lays rotting in the tomb. Jesus reminds her of the great truth of the Resurrection. Her response is one of detached faith, that is, faith which does not understand the ramifications of what is believed.

She says in John 11:24, "I know he will rise again in the resurrection at the last day."
But Jesus drives home what the resurrection means when he says, "I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me will live, even though he dies; and whoever lives and believes in me will never die.’

The Resurrection of Christ is our resurrection as well. Not just at the final judgment, but now!
The Resurrection of Christ means we are now raised to new life, today.
The Resurrection does not just make new life possible for us, it secures new life.
The Resurrection is the root, the ground, on which we can know that we have new life today, a new birth is ours.

In describing this as a new birth, Peter uses the root genesis, which means beginning.
When this word refers to procreation, the focus is often the father’s role in conception. Peter’s life exemplifies this new birth. The one who hid in fear before the Resurrection was the one who preached with bold power at Pentecost. The change was radical because his life was transformed and the key event in his life was the Resurrection of Christ. There are many times in our lives we wish we could start over; we want another try, to right our wrongs, to give it another shot. With Christ’s Resurrection we have that new birth, that fresh start we all need. This new birth secured by the resurrection is ours by our Father’s great mercy. It is a good thing, because only "great mercy" could ever save someone as despicable as me.

Only "great mercy" could cover my sins.
Only "great mercy" would reach down into the mud and pull me out and save me. Grace is offered to those who are worthless; Mercy is offered to those who are helpless. Such was our condition before we met Jesus Christ; we were worthless and helpless. Mercy is not about not getting caught and getting away with something. It is about being caught red-handed, given a fair trial and being found guilty. It is about being sentenced to death for our horrible crime and it is about Jesus Christ
—who was perfect and guilty of nothing
— serving out that sentence on our behalf, even though we didn’t deserve it in any way.

That is mercy, "great mercy," being made a child of mercy rather than a child of wrath.
Paul describes God’s power to transform our lives in much the same way in Titus 3:5-7. When God graciously works in our lives, when He sovereignly makes us His own, the transformation is nothing less than a rebirth. Nothing but the Resurrection of Christ from the dead, the total defeat of death on the Cross and in the tomb will do to adequately communicate this powerful truth. It is Christ’s Resurrection which gives us new birth. It is the great mercy of God the Father who gives to those who are dead, new life.

Romans 6 makes it clear that just as Christ died, we died with Him. It is not just a promise of sins removed, but the accomplishment, the completion of sins expunged. So also with the Resurrection – the new life is ours today. It is not just the promise of a future resurrection, a future life, but life here and now. We are now raised to new life. How will that affect the way you live now? How will than change your thinking about your life? When we wrestle with sinful thoughts, with patterns and lifestyles that we know are displeasing to God, we quickly recognize that our sins were placed on Christ on the Cross, but in addition to that, we are given a new life because of His Resurrection.

We have hope for the Resurrection guarantees us a living hope. Hope is more than a wish. The New Testament idea of hope is different than our ideas of hope. One may ask us: "Will the Astros make it to the playoffs?" To which we may reply: "I don’t know; I hope so." Hope is only a desire for some future thing of which we have good reason, but not absolute certainty of it coming to pass. But this is not what the New Testament means by hope. Hope is not just a wish. In the New Testament hope is knowledge of what will be which flows out of what has been done. Hope is rooted in the past, looking to the future, thus affecting how we live today. Peter expresses this kind of hope in 1:13. Hope experiences the reality of accomplished work now.
Why then modify hope with the adjective living? What does this add to the idea of living? It could operate the same as when we speak of living faith vs. dead faith. A living hope is a hope that affects our lives now; it shows in how we live today. To say that our hope is alive is to say that we have a sure and confident outlook which has a divine source. That new quality of hope is generated in the believer by the new spiritual life brought about by the new birth.

Peter is writing to encourage readers who face an uncertain future threatened by persecution of one degree or another. This living hope highlights the fact that the present life is by no means the limit of the believer’s expectation. The living hope in the newborn Christian has an assurance beyond any human power: such hope can no more fail than the living God who bestows it. To say that it is living is also to say that it is a hope which grows and increases in strength. Year by year as God matures us, as God’s Word settles into our lives, we have a more clear and certain appreciation of the hope which is ours in Christ. This living hope is ours because of the Resurrection applied by God’s Word. The Resurrection of Christ secures for His people both new Resurrection bodies and new spiritual life. Christians do not in this age receive new bodies but God does grant, on the basis of Jesus’s Resurrection, renewed spirits.

But how does this hope arise in our hearts? We’ve seen already the importance of the Resurrection in our hope. Our hope arises because we are born again and this new birth comes because of the Resurrection. But that was 2000 years ago. Verses 23-25 helps fill in the time between the Resurrection of Jesus and the application of this new birth in my life today.
1 Peter 1:23-25 "For you have been born again, not of perishable seed, but of imperishable, through the living and enduring word of God. For, 'All men are like grass, and all their glory is like the flowers of the field; the grass withers and the flowers fall, but the word of the Lord stands forever.' And this is the word that was preached to you."

Connecting the historical Resurrection of Jesus and my life 2000 years later is the Word of God, namely the Gospel, (1 Corinthians 15:3-4)"that Jesus Christ died for our sins according to the Scriptures, that he was buried and that he rose again on the third day according to the Scriptures". So in verse 3 we are born anew through the Resurrection of Jesus,
but in verse 23 we are born anew through the living and abiding Word, the news of Jesus' s death and Resurrection. Jesus’s Resurrection does not produce hope without our hearing about it. Before it can birth hope in our heart we have to get the news.

That is why week by week in our worship we come back to this simple but life changing message:
Christ died for a sinner such as me. Christ rose from the dead so that now I am accepted by God, adopted as His son, an heir to eternal life today.

We have hope for the Resurrection grants us inheritance - verse 4-5

Our inheritance remains because Christ is raised - verse 4a

Because Christ is raised, our inheritance will never perish. As Christ has conquered death and given us new birth now, our new life in Christ is not subject to decay; it will not wear out over time. The new car shows signs of wear with the first parking lot ding. Our clothes mysteriously shrink. Our investments dwindle away as the market turns bearish. But what is ours in Christ, all the benefits of eternal life, remain ours forever, never diminishing in the least, never showing signs of age.

Because Christ is raised, our inheritance will never spoil. That which is spoiled is unsuited for proper worship so it was necessary that a sacrifice, in order to be accepted by God, be without spot or stain of sin. What we have been given today, reserved in heaven for us, will never change its value or usefulness. The leftovers from today’s dinner will be dumped in the garbage in a week. But the new life we have today and the benefits God has given us for the future will never change. Despite our sin, our failings, God’s favor on us, is certain because of Christ, not because of our attempts at personal righteousness. Because Christ is raised, our inheritance will never fade.

What we have will not lose an ounce of its original beauty. It’s luster will never diminish, its beauty never wane. We often take out old pictures that have been in a closet for years, and I made my kids endure a few hours of slides from my childhood. Other than illustrating that no one had taste for fashion in the 60’s and 70’s, it drove home the point that over the past 30 years what little beauty I did possess has certainly faded over the years.

Our inheritance remains in heaven. We may sometimes envy those whose financial future seems secure because of their birth. Sons or daughters of a wealthy family, they are heirs of a fortune. Peter had heard Jesus teach about a better treasure stored in heaven; no moths are there to eat the robes of glory; no rust can corrode the crowns of gold, and no thieves can break into the City of God. These terms used for our inheritance were the words used to speak of Israel’s inheritance in the Old Testament.

The land of Israel was at times ravaged and destroyed by invading armies. The prophet Isaiah describes the utter destruction of the whole world in God’s judgment (Isaiah 24:3-4). The world will be destroyed, but our inheritance is indestructible. The contrast is striking; the readers have been born anew, not to obtain a family inheritance in the earthly land of Canaan, but to obtain an inheritance in the eternal city. The inheritance is thus their portion in the new creation and all its blessings. "Kept in heaven for you" – this indicates a completed past activity by God with results that are still continuing in the present. God Himself has stored up or reserved this inheritance in heaven for believers and it continues to be there, still reserved for them. The power which raised Christ is the power which secures our inheritance.

While we live between the Resurrection and return of Christ, while we have the reality of eternal life, but wait for its fullness, we are secure. We are shielded by God’s power. The word describing our protection by God covers every aspect of our safety. This term, (phroureo) means kept safe, carefully watched, and is frequently used in military contexts. The term means both to guard from escape or from attack. These two aspects are very comforting. God’s protection is not only from others harming us, but from our own defection. Both of these aspects would have encouraged Peter and his readers. Peter needed protection not just from others, but from himself. His denial of Christ just prior to Jesus’s death is a perfect example of how fickle and faithless God’s children are.

To know that Christ’s death and Resurrection ensure that the eternal life Christ gives means that we will never perish, that no one can snatch us out of our loving Father’s grip. (John 10:28-29)

That Christ has risen from the dead and the Father, in great mercy, has given you new birth, only underscores how secure you are, how safely guarded you are in Christ. The Resurrection is our hope that our security in God depends not on ourselves, but completely rests with our Father’s perfect love. Our hope is a living hope, for Christ died and rose again, making us alive in Him. No matter what we face, no matter how awful life may be to us, all the suffering and torment aside, we know with absolute certainty that as Christ has risen from the dead we too are now raised and await that final day when our bodies will be raised as well.

On April 5th, 1943, Dietrich Bonhoeffer was arrested and imprisoned by the Gestapo for his political activities against the German Nazi regime. He had been speaking out against the Nazis, but eventually his words caught up with him. He saw that the Church of Jesus Christ was being persecuted and that his country was heading toward the abyss, and he decided to do something about it. Two years later, April 8, 1945, the second Sunday after Easter, he found himself facing the death sentence.

On that Sunday he led a service in the prison which housed men of various nationalities. One prisoner, an English army officer who was also facing the death sentence but was later set free, wrote these words describing the last day of Bonhoeffer's life:

"Bonhoeffer conducted a little service of worship and spoke to us in a way that went to the heart of all of us. He found just the right words to express the spirit of our imprisonment, and the thoughts and resolutions it had brought us. He had hardly ended his last prayer when the door opened and two civilians entered. They said, 'Prisoner Bonhoeffer, come with us.' That had only one meaning for all prisoners - the gallows. We said good-bye to him. He took me aside: 'This is the end; but for me it is the beginning of life.' The next day he was hanged in Flossenburg."

"This is the end, but for me it is the beginning of life." What was it that so possessed this man, that at the very moment of his death, he could say that? What was the hope that he possessed, and why was he able to cling to it? Why could not even the sentence of death take it away? The answer is found in the Resurrection of Christ. His Resurrection is now our new birth; it is the reason our hope lives as well, and it is the basis of our inheritance reserved in heaven for us.

We can face whatever God places before us, for Christ has already suffered and died;
Christ is now raised and we are raised as well.

Let us live in light of that hope.

(This is the text of a sermon preached at Cornerstone Church as delivered on April 15, 2001)

For His Glory!
Steve R.

What if God Designed Marriage to Make Us Holy Instead of Happy!

2009-07-17T20:33:00.005-05:00

(Based on the book by the same title, written by Gary Thomas)

Popularized by Walt Disney, the phrase… “And they lived happily ever after” usually follows fairy tales and yet this is a phrase used to refer to a happy future existence, often in relation to a couple who have just married.

The expression has been a cliche since the 18th Century and is the classic ending of many fairy tales, as… The frog was turned back into a handsome prince. He then married the beautiful princess and… “They lived happily ever after”.

The expression is still common today, but given the rate of marriage break-ups, it is often used in ironic or humorous contexts, as… Mary and Jim got married five years ago and lived happily ever after until last year when they got divorced.

You have also heard of the “Happy Couple”. This is a phrase used to refer to a couple who are being married, about to be married or who have just been married. The cliché has been popular since the middle of the 19th Century and is still common today, being used often by journalists, as… The happy couple posed for the cameras after the ceremony.

With the number of marriages that we have all witnessed, I have heard several times from various ones say… “They look so happy”. So here is a question for you…. What is the purpose of Marriage?

Did God design marriage for our happiness?
What if God designed marriage to make us Holy more than to make us Happy?
What if God had an end in mind that went beyond our Happiness, our Comfort, and our Desire to be Happy?

The very concept of “Romantic Love” which is so celebrated in our culture and daily life through movies, songs and cheap paperbacks tends to condition us to the belief that Marriage was intended for “Romance” and to keep the “feeling of love” and somehow when we don’t “Feel” it anymore it affects our Happiness and when we find ourselves… “Unhappy”, we leave in search of more Happiness.

A wedding calls us to our highest and best—in fact, to almost impossible—ideals. If you think about it… a wedding often becomes a very selfish encounter for the bride and groom. The bride, especially since she is the one that plans it can take an “it’s all about me” attitude. Everyone lavishes attention and praise and gifts and money…and then there is the honeymoon… a surrealistic indulgence of self gratification… only to come back to reality and have to start everyday life. Any mature, spiritually sensitive view of marriage must be built on the foundation of mature love rather than romanticism or it is destined to fail.

Unfortunately, this is a counter culture pursuit. We can run from the challenges of marriage, or we can admit that every marriage presents unique challenges and asks us to address them head on. Being married forces you to face some character issues you’d never have to face otherwise. Matthew 3:17 – This passage shows the Father proclaiming about Jesus…. “This is my Son, whom I love; with Him I am well pleased.

What had Jesus done to receive such praise? Jesus was celibate his whole life, so it is somewhat ironic to suggest that marriage is the preferred route to becoming more like him. At this point He had done nothing but live in his own home, honor His parents and serve his fathers carpentry business. Apparently that was enough for God.

The real transforming work of marriage is the 24 hour a day, 7 day a week commitment. This is the cross that grinds us and shapes us into the “character” of Jesus Christ. Instead of getting up at 3:00 AM to begin prayer as though we were a monk in a monastery, the question becomes… “Who will wake up when the baby’s diaper needs changing?

Marriage calls us to an entirely new and selfless life. I have caught myself many times saying… “When do I get to do what I want to do?” Any situation that calls me to confront my own selfishness has enormous spiritual value….so I would like to propose that the real purpose and design of marriage may not be about our happiness as much as it is to transform us into “Holiness”.

Not that God has anything against happiness, or that happiness and holiness are by nature mutually exclusive, but looking at marriage through the lens of holiness begins to put it in an entirely new perspective. Looking back on my marriage, I found that there was a tremendous amount of immaturity within me that marriage directly confronted. If the purpose of marriage was simply to enjoy an infatuation and make “me” happy, then I’d have to get a “new” marriage every two to three years.

But, if I really wanted to see God transform me from the inside out, I’d need to concentrate on changing myself rather than on changing my spouse. The second after we said “I DO” we were confronted with demands, challenges and expectations.

Now I love being married and wouldn’t trade the last 30 years for anything, but the good times have been sprinkled with demands, challenges and expectations that had I been focused on selfishness, would have made for disastrous relationships. If we look at marriage as an avenue that God designed to move us to holiness…our happiness is something that we won’t ever have to be concerned with.

Just as celibates use abstinence and religious hermits use isolation in their quest to grow closer to God… we can use marriage for the same purpose… to grow in our service, obedience, character, pursuit and love of God. God views his people as a husband should view his wife…

HOSEA 2:16, 19a says – “And it shall be at that day, saith the Lord, that thou shalt call me Ishi (my husband); and shalt call me no more Baali (my master)…v19 – and I will betroth thee unto me forever. Think about the difference between a husband and a master. God wants us to relate to Him with an obedience fueled by love, intimacy and loyalty… not by a blind adherence to principles.

According to USA TODAY……
Divorce is on the decline in the USA, but a report to be released today suggests that may be due more to an increase in people living together than to more lasting marriages. Couples who once might have wed and then divorced now are not marrying at all, according to The State of our Unions 2006. The annual report, which analyzes Census and other data, is issued by the National Marriage Project at New Jersey's Rutgers University.

The U.S. divorce rate is 17.7 per 1,000 married women, down from 22.6 in 1980. The marriage rate is also on a steady decline: a 50% drop since 1970 from 76.5 per 1,000 unmarried women to 39.9, says the report, whose calculations are based on an internationally used measurement.
"Cohabitation is here to stay," says David Popenoe, a Rutgers sociology professor and report co-author. "I don't think it's good news, especially for children," he says. "As society shifts from marriage to cohabitation — which is what's happening — you have an increase in family instability."

Cohabiting couples have twice the breakup rate of married couples, the report's authors say. And in the USA, 40% bring kids into these often-shaky live-in relationships.
"It is important now to think beyond the divorce rate to other kinds of couple unions and look at how stable they are," says Barbara Dafoe Whitehead, a social historian and report co-author.
"It's a pretty short period of time for that change (cohabitation) to have occurred and to have taken hold in the way it has," she says.

In the USA, 8.1% of coupled households are made up of unmarried, heterosexual partners. Although many European countries have higher cohabitation rates, divorce rates in those countries are lower, and more children grow up with both biological parents, even though the parents may not be married, Popenoe says. The USA has the lowest percentage among Western nations of children who grow up with both biological parents, 63%, the report says.
"The United States has the weakest families in the Western world because we have the highest divorce rate and the highest rate of solo parenting," Popenoe says.

Knowing why we are married and why we should stay married is crucial if indeed that is to happen. The question is… Will we approach marriage from a God centered view or a man centered view?

Man Centered view focuses on…

Earthly comforts
Desires
Expectations

God Centered view
We preserve our marriage because it brings glory to God and point a sinful world to a reconciling Creator.

Ephesians 5:25-27 - Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.
If I believe that the primary purpose of marriage is designed for my “holiness” and is to be modeled after God’s love for the church, I will enter this relationship and maintain it with an entirely new motivation…one that we read about several times in scripture

2 Cor. 5:9 – We make it our goal to please Him
John 8:9 – Jesus says…I do always those things that please Him
Rom 8:8 – That that are in the flesh cannot please God
Rom 15:1 – We then that are strong ought to bear the infirmities of the weak, and not to please ourselves.
Rom 15:3 – For even Christ pleased not himself.

PURPOSE OF MARRIAGE

The first purpose in marriage beyond
Happiness

Becoming One Flesh
Bearing of Children
Companionship
Mutual Care
Or anything else….

-- Is to Please God! The challenge is that this is utterly selfless living. Rather than asking the question…what will make me happy, we are told to ask, What will please God?

In case we don’t grasp this immediately, Paul underscores this later in 2 Corinthians 5:15 And [that] he died for all, that they which live should not henceforth live unto themselves, but unto him which died for them, and rose again.
5:16 Wherefore henceforth know we no man after the flesh: yea, though we have known Christ after the flesh, yet now henceforth know we [him] no more.
17 Therefore if any man [be] in Christ, [he is] a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.
18 And all things [are] of God, who hath reconciled us to himself by Jesus Christ, and hath given to us the ministry of reconciliation;
The very nature of Christ’s work was a reconciling work…to bring us together with God. Our response must be to be reconcilers ourselves.

Everything I am to say and do in my life is to be supportive of this gospel ministry of reconciliation, and that commitment begins by displaying reconciliation in my personal relationships…especially my marriage. If my marriage contradicts my message…I have sabotaged the goal of my life…to be pleasing to God and to faithfully fulfill the ministry of reconciliation.

I will work to construct a marriage that

Enhances this ministry of reconciliation
Puts flesh on it
Builds a relationship that models forgiveness
Is Self-less Love
Is dedicated to Sacrifice

If I am married only for happiness, and my happiness wanes (which it will) for whatever reason, one little spark will burn the entire forest of my relationship.

If my aim is to proclaim and model Gods ministry of reconciliation, my marriage will become Holy and my endurance will be fireproof.

I. How marriage teaches us to love

We show our love for God in part by loving our spouses well
Marriage creates a climate where this love is put to the greatest test
We are without excuse
God does not command us to marry
He offers only the opportunity of marriage
We are free to choose whom to marry
Once we enter the marriage covenant, we cannot love God without loving our spouse as well.
Marriage teaches us “how” to love.
Love delights each other
You seldom see people marry someone who is identical to themselves
Opposites attract
Marriage is designed to call us out of ourselves and learn to love the “different”.
Marriage calls us out of ourselves to give way to another and find joy, happiness and even ecstasy in another.

II. How marriage teaches us to Respect Others

All marriages go through stages.
An enrapturing love quiets down to a predictable routine
As our partner’s weaknesses become more familiar to us, respect often becomes harder to give.
This failure to show respect is a sign of spiritual immaturity.
Consider Paul…even though he was confronted with a church full of
Quarrelers
Worldly infants
Arrogant egocentrics
Men sleeping with their fathers wife
Greedy men suing fellow believers
Childish thinkers
He still honors them by saying…I thank God or you….WHY?
…Because of his grace given you in Jesus Christ.

III. How marriage Exposes Our Sin

Marriage holds up a mirror to my sin
It forces me to face myself honestly
It forces me to consider my character flaws
My Selfishness
My Rotten Attitude
It encourages me to be sanctified and grow in Godliness
Marriage is not so much what we find out about each other, but what we find out about ourselves.
Being so close to someone…which marriage necessitates…may be the biggest spiritual challenge in the world.
I am always under 24 hour non-stop surveillance
Most marriages end largely because one or both of the partners are running from their own revealed weaknesses.

IV. A Purpose Driven Life will never be found in a book, but is already defined by our Marriage.

Our mission includes not what we do, but what we become
A spiritually alive marriage will remain a marriage of two individuals in pursuit of a common vision outside of themselves
If our marriage vows are to mean anything…our lives have to be lived according to the vows that we made to each other
To love, honor, obey
To keep ourselves pure
In sickness and in health, richer or poorer
A marriage built on the pursuit of Holiness, not Happiness will in the long term create happy and fulfilling marriages that Honor God.

For His Glory!

Steve R.

Four Key Attributes That Fathers of Daughters Admire In Young Men

2009-07-16T00:27:00.003-05:00

(as it appeared in "Quest for Authentic Manhood" by Robert Lewis)
I’m convinced, if America is to be restored and find the remedy that will heal our land, then young men, interested in marrying Godly young women, must return to the God-ordained role and inclination to direct, protect, and provide for the family. The following four attributes are absolutely essential before I would consider letting my daughter court a young man and required in order to reclaim the masculine identity and to restore men to authentic Biblical manhood.

1) He must reject passivity: Boys and men possess a natural inclination to be aggressive, to initiate, explore, and achieve. But the sad truth is, men, especially today, seem to become passive where it matters the most. In our homes, amongst our families, and in our communities men are generally passive towards righteousness and aggressive towards evil. This is part of the curse men have inherited from Adam. What God imparted to Adam, authentic Biblical manhood, Adam squandered by being passive while Eve was committing moral and spiritual suicide. As naturally aggressive as Adam was, when the moment of authentic manhood arrived, when he was called upon to act responsibly, to take charge spiritually, and to protect his wife, Adam just stood there. Unfortunately, men have been just standing there ever since while this same enemy kills, steals, and destroys marriages, wives and children. Passivity must end and men must possess righteous indignation against evil in all forms and not an anger that erupts because someone interrupts our selfish pursuits and irresponsibilities.

2) He must accept responsibility: Adam was entrusted with four main responsibilities: A battle to fight, ("subdue and take dominion") a work to do, ("cultivate the garden") a will to obey, ("don’t eat the tree of the knowledge of good and evil") and a woman to love (Eve). These are the primary responsibilities entrusted to men. Where the first Adam failed, the second Adam, the Lord Jesus Christ, triumphed. In Christ, men can embrace and fulfill these four primary responsibilities as we follow His example. Jesus said, "My food is to do the will of Him who sent me, and to accomplish His work." (John 4:34)

3) He must lead courageously: Authentic men were designed by God to lead, not follow. Adam forfeited his ability to lead when he refused to step forward with God’s word and lead his wife. This inaction is precisely the curse plaguing men today. We have seen feminized men who passively submit to evil, tyranny, and injustice, instead of aggressively leading their homes and communities with God’s truth. The results have been devastating and have wrought chaos in our nation. In Matthew 4:1-10, when Jesus was tempted to passively submit to Satan and his schemes, Jesus cried out, "BE GONE SATAN!" This is the essence of the commanding cry needed in manly leadership today. Manly leadership demands men to have courage to master their passions and bridle themselves with the principles of God’s truth. Only then can men effectively lead courageously.

4) He must expect the greater reward: Though authentic manhood is challenging, sacrificial, and burdensome at times, it is also quite fulfilling and deeply rewarding. The example of Jesus in Heb. 12:1,2 reveals that He endured the cross because of the joy that was set before Him. In other words, Jesus was empowered to endure the agony of the cross by the sheer joy of knowing His sacrifice was going to be rewarded by rescuing mankind from sin, death, hell, and the grave. One wonders what might be reclaimed, restored, and rescued in this generation, if men today had this same godly perspective?

We see this same powerful insight in the life of Moses. In Hebrews 11:24-26, "By faith Moses, when he was come to years, refused to be called the son of Pharaoh’s daughter; Choosing rather to suffer affliction with the people of God than to enjoy the pleasures of sin for a season; Esteeming the reproach of Christ greater riches than the treasures of Egypt: for he had respect unto the recompence of the reward." How about you, O man of God? Are we going to give in to the dictates of the Spirit of the Age, our carnal desires and a natural inclination towards irresponsibility for temporal self-gratification, or will we repent and return to authentic Biblical manhood in order to teach our sons and receive the eternal reward?

I believe our God, our nation, our wives and our daughters await an answer.

As a father of daughters….I certainly do!

Rejoicing in Him,

Steve

What Fathers of Daughters Wish that Fathers of Sons Knew and Were Instilling In Them!

2009-07-14T23:39:00.003-05:00

There has been much discussion in churches and home-schooling circles about teaching daughters to be chaste and keepers at home.

Very little discussion is given to teaching focused on sons and this concerns me.
As a Father of Daughters, I thought it might be useful to focus on what fathers of daughters secretly wish that fathers of sons really were developing.
Someday…..You will have the honor of giving your daughter to some young man. Many of us are reaching an age where we are beginning to come to grip with the fact that our sons and daughters are getting older. If fathers of sons expect fathers of daughters to keep their daughters chaste, keepers at home, and exemplary of qualities found in Titus and Proverbs…. Then, it stands to reason that fathers of daughters have certain expectations of Fathers of Sons.
No one can read the Bible in a thoughtful way without being impressed with the fact that it makes much of manhood, and holds it up as something that should be sought after with diligence and perseverance.
In fact the Bible exalts and emphasizes manhood in a remarkable way, and shows that real manhood is a great thing in the world. The book of Genesis contains sixty chapters and covers 2,300 years of human history, and yet one half of it is devoted to telling us about the manhood of Abraham, and a third to that of Joseph.
The story of creation is told in 800 words, but a great deal more space is given to the story of Caleb's rugged manhood. A whole book is occupied with the story of Job, and another with that of Daniel, while long chapters here and there tell us of other men who are safe examples to follow.
God has thus shown very plainly what He considered important by where He has put the italics. The Lord is not a respecter of persons, but He is a respecter of character, and a very good respecter of it, too. Indeed, He does more than respect it. He admires it.
Abraham towers like a mountain when he pushes aside the wealth of the unrighteous king of Sodom, lest he should say that Abraham was depending on him. Look at Daniel keeping himself pure in that palace. Look at David.
We are also told that the steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord, and that he delighteth in his way, and this, I take it, means in plain English, that God loves to watch a real man go out and grow.
Let me ask you to note, first of all, that David wanted Solomon to be anchored to a noble purpose. He didn't want the young man to drift along in an aimless way, like a log in a whirlpool, but he wanted him to have, his eye set on something for which it would be worth his while to spend every energy to reach.
And so with his dying breath he said, "Don't be a mere floater, my son. Don't be a drifter on the stream of time, but stem the current that would carry you down, but be a man".
David himself had been a man of high purpose. His own life must have been greatly influenced by the character of Moses and the other mighty men of God who had preceded him. That his aim was high and his purpose lofty is clearly evident from his life and his writings.
It is not an accident that he went from being a shepherd to the throne. Success like that never comes about by mere chance. One reason why there are so many failures along the highway of life is those who once started out with bright and shining faces never expected to go anywhere in particular.
David was faithful to all his duties as a shepherd, but he looked higher than that humble calling, and made it a stepping stone. While a shepherd he improved his opportunities, trained his powers and qualified himself to be a king.
David was anxious that Solomon should have a high aim. He wanted him to reach out for the top of the mountain. He didn't want him to be content with a summer house in the valley. He wanted him to own the very best estate in the country where the giants were.
He didn't want him to be an old woman or a sissy sort of a fellow, but a man with knotted muscles on his arms, a big heart in his body and plenty of matter in his head. He wanted him to aim high, as a king's son should, knowing that if his aim was high his endeavor would not be wasted.
He wanted his son to raise his chin high enough to look the sun in the face, and so he said, "Solomon, be a man"!
Manhood - true manhood - princely manhood, like that of David, is one of the grandest things in the world, and it is something that counts as nothing else does.
It does not depend upon the size of the body. There are men of small stature, like Paul, who tower above other men as the mountains above the plain, and there are physical giants who are middle weights in manhood.
Samson was a giant in stature and a baby in self-control. It was not the Philistines who destroyed Samson. It was Samson himself.

"Watch ye, stand fast in the faith, quit ye like men, be strong." (1Cor.16:13)

To the modern ear, the phrase, ‘Quit ye like men," may sound somewhat foreign. In fact, this statement, apart from its Biblical revelation, may inadvertently confuse the reader. You may relate this expression as one that aptly portrays the tragic plight of the contemporary American male. A manhood that simply quits, runs from responsibilities, and seeks self-gratification as the ultimate meaning in life. It appears, at first, maybe to inspire men with an appealing call to our basic nature, "Be a man and just quit." But I assure you, biblically, that is not the case at all. The truth is, this calls for the complete opposite. It is a direct challenge by God for men to rise up and act like men. It is defined, not by this world system, nor the Feminist Movement, but is defined by the Creator of the Universe. It is a heavenly mandate for men to be strong and to act courageously.
The Lord, according to this Scripture, presupposes strength to be a male virtue. He also declares that women are the weaker vessel. (1 Peter 3:7) It is important, especially in today’s feminized culture to distinguish what God means by weaker. He is not advocating the idea that women are inferior, less intelligent, not capable, or second class citizens in His Kingdom. He is, however, stating there is a distinct difference between the make-up of a man as compared to women. Unfortunately, we live in a time where the "Powers that Be" are trying to remove all distinctions between the sexes to create a gender-blender society. This lunacy is the fall-out of modern liberalism. It is a failed attempt to equalize outcome by government decree. Thus lowering, or in some cases, even removing the Biblical standards by which we ought to live. The other travesty of liberalism is radical individualism, where selfishness, greed, and pride are magically transformed, again by government decree, from vice to virtue. This is, at its very roots, the attempt by rebellious man to cast off God’s defining roles that He has established for men and women.
The consequences of these humanistic doctrines are far-reaching. Men have lost their masculine identity. They have either become filled with rage and abuse or have fallen prey to homosexuality. Women who appear to have won the battle for their rights, have tragically lost the war as they now face life alone as single moms. Of course, the ones who have suffered the most are children. They have become a prey to evil, because men are missing in action, thereby setting adrift children on a sea of violence and perversion.
Biblically, there is a solution to the battle of the sexes that will repair the breach and restore the building block of our society, the God-ordained family. According to God’s word, in Christ, there is no male nor female. (Gal. 3:28) In other words, when it comes to value, God loves us all the same. In salvation, God removes the barriers between men and women that the Enemy exploits to divide us and makes us one in Him. On the other hand, God also reveals the concept of function. It is in function, that God makes a major distinction between men and women. The Scriptures teach that the man is to be the head over the woman, in marriage specifically, and generally, women are not allowed by God to usurp authority over men. God’s purpose in this is not to elevate the man over the woman as superior in value. In fact, the opposite is true. God values women as unique, so He ordains men to use their strength to provide, protect, and defend women and children. The problem is, we have thrown the baby out with the bath water. Primarily because of the inherent weaknesses contained within us. First, men who are responsible before God to exercise proper leadership, either abandon that role and become irresponsible or take the role as a dictator, thereby using their strength to abuse women and children to satisfy their own selfish whims. The weakness within women is to try and manipulate the man to dominate him. The combination of weak men and dominate females is the predominant curse upon our culture. One that has unleashed an enemy that is savaging our children.
The Biblical revelation of men being strong in order to serve God, their wives, and children is what gave birth to the whole notion of Chivalry. It is a model of leadership based upon Patriarchy, which simply means "the family ruler." Without this understanding, there is nothing to reclaim the masculine identity that will effectively turn men from being predators to protectors and providers. The bottom line is, men will eventually embrace one of two models of masculinity that will define their manhood and capability to lead. The first model is what we inherited from the first Adam (earthly man) and the second model is what has been made available to men by the second Adam, the Lord Jesus Christ (the heavenly man). The first Adam represents manhood separated from God. It is a manhood that is primarily concerned with self-preservation, self-gratification, and pleasure-seeking. It is a failed manhood that naturally gravitates towards irresponsibility. It seeks to please self at the expense of others and is manhood devoid of transcendent meaning. In other words, this kind of manhood doesn’t perceive an objective truth beyond the dictates of his own carnal whims, passions and desires. To those whose manhood is governed by these factors, there is nothing really worth living for except self, because there is nothing worth dying for.
Thankfully, the second Adam, the Lord Jesus Christ, rejected that cowardly notion and laid down His life for a wicked world that He still loves. He settled that issue two thousand years ago by enduring the agonizing torture upon a cruel cross for the sins of mankind. According to Jesus’ example, there is something worth living for and worth dying for, beyond our own personal considerations. By contrast, to the first Adam, the second Adam (Christ) represents life in union with God. His manhood was influenced by spiritual direction, destiny, and based on faith, not carnal selfish whims. His manhood was elevated masculinity that was defined by a life-giving spirit instead of a life-taking legacy we inherited from the first Adam.
LUKE 2:46-52 From the age of 12 Jesus “increased in Wisdom and Stature” with God and Man!
HE WAS TEACHING THE DOCTORS IN THE TEMPLE AT AGE 12.
If we are to follow the example of Jesus…..the first area that young men must work on is to INCREASE WISDOM AND STATURE WITH GOD AND MEN!
There are obviously, Primary attributes that are necessary for the development of wisdom and stature in all young men.
The bible gives us a place to begin with our young men. I Corinthians 13:11-13 says: When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child, but when I became a man I put away childish things. For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: Now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known. And now abideth faith, hope and charity (love), these three; but the greatest of these is CHARITY (Love)
Jesus grew in wisdom and stature with Faith – Hope – and LOVE. He became a man at 13. Fathers of Sons – Do you consider your sons, at the age of 13 to be a man? How can a son grow in wisdom and stature until they put away childish things? From the age of 12 to the age of thirty Jesus grew in wisdom stature and favour with God and Man.
The Bible contains secondary attributes that are necessary for men to possess.

For courtship to work, Fathers of daughters must be able to witness the following 10 characterstics mentioned in scripture. Fathers of sons must be willing to testify that their sons possess these qualities.

1. Integrity - Psalm 7:8 – The Lord shall judge the people. Judge me O Lord, according to my righteousness and according to mine integrity that is in me. Integrity, totally honest, no guile, no hypocrisy
Judge me according to mine integrity that is in me.
Integrity can be described as

Steadfast adherence to a strict moral or ethical code
Soundness
Completeness or wholeness; unity

Women need the assurance that their husbands are truthful. Nothing undermines a marriage quicker than lying. If a husband is not truthful the wife becomes fearful, unsure and resorts to coming up with answers…..any answer to satisfy her fear.

2. Faithfulness - 1 Cor. 4:1-2 – Let a man so account of us, as of the ministers of Christ, and stewards of the mysteries of God. Moreover, it is required in stewards, that a man be found faithful. Faithfulness, firm in adherence to promises, contracts, treaties. True in affection or allegiance. There will be no security in a marriage if a husband is not faithful. Worry, anxiety, guilt, remorse, anger, resentment all quickly build in a wife if the husband is not faithful from the beginning. A husband must be worthy of confidence and belief.

3. Commitment - Acts 20:24 – But none of these things move me, neither count I my life dear unto myself, so that I might finish my course with joy, and the ministry, which I have received of the Lord Jesus to testify the gospel of the grace of God. Commitment, entrusting of yourself, or giving yourself. Paul says - None of these things move me to another. A husband must be committed to his wife….forever. When you stand up in front of an audience and swear allegiance to your wife for better or worse, richer or poorer until death parts…..what exactly does that mean? The world believes that it means until I don’t like you any more. I have 1 brother and two sisters. There are two divorces among my siblings. I have experienced their pain and trouble and seen the catastrophic effects it has had on their lives. As a father of daughters….I plead with Fathers of sons to instill the bond of commitment upon your sons.

4. Spirit of Submission - We all know the verse that speaks to wives about submission. Wives submit to your own husband as to the Lord. The verse right before that …. Eph. 5:21 says…..submitting yourselves one to another, in the fear of God. Husbands, fathers, young men are to first submit. There must be a spirit of submission in young men if they are ever to understand what it means for their wives to “submit”. I have found that women are very willing to submit if they see their husbands submitting to authority.

5. Wisdom - Proverbs says to get it and James 3:13-18 asks, “Who is a wise man and endued with knowledge among you, let him show out of a good conversation his works with meekness of wisdom. But if ye have bitter envying and strife in your hearts, glory not, and lie not against the truth. This wisdom descendeth not from above, but is earthly, sensual and devilish. For where envying and strife is, there is confusion and every evil work. But the wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, and easy to be intreated, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality, and without hypocrisy. And the fruit of the righteousness is sown in peace of them that make peace.” In homes where there is strife…..confusion and every evil work will abound. Fathers of sons…..Wisdom is from above and you must attest to your sons having found wisdom. No father, who cares about his daughter will want to give his daughter to a young man who is foolish. From the time Jesus was 12, he grew in wisdom and stature with God and Man.

6. Col 3:14 --LOVE is the bond of unity. “And above all these things, put on Charity (LOVE), which is the bond of perfectness. The adhesive or cement which keeps and unites or integrates the various attributes of character. A marriage must be built on genuine love. Love makes a perfect marriage. According to scripture….Love never fails. Young men, if you have love, you will not fail in your marriage. I have yet to see a marriage end where both parties were still in love. Love is patient and kind….it is not proud it is not puffed up. Fathers of sons…..Proud sons have a hard time when it comes to genuine love.

7. 2 Tim. 2:24 Gentle but Strong -- gentle unto all men. “But foolish and unlearned questions avoid, knowing that they do gender strifes. And the servant of the Lord must not strive; but be gentle unto all men, apt to teach, patient. Having daughters, I have had to learn qualities of gentleness and patience. It has been a long, hard road and at times I fail miserably. I wish that my father had taught me that a man can be gentle and strong. In fact, his strength is in the gentleness that he possesses. Women are much more responsive to gentleness than harshness. Angry wives are a direct result of overbearing and harsh husbands.

8. Determination - Phillipians 3:13-14 Endurance – Perseverance—Determination. “Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before, I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus. Determination is built on hope, joy, diligence, steadfastness, patience and self control. It works with courage. It gives vision.Fathers of daughters are giving a vision to them. The vision of being a keeper at home, a stay at home mother, a support and help meet to her husband. Our wives are living proof of that vision. Without the determination on the part of a young man, that vision will be dashed and all of the years of preparing her heart will be ruined. Fathers of sons….are your sons developing a determined mindset? A determination to do what God is calling him to do? Without determination, endurance and perseverance, success in God's calling will be limited.

9. Rom. 8:28 Purpose - To be a man means to he strong in purpose and self-control. “And we know that all things work together for good to them, that “love GOD”; to them who are called according to HIS purpose.” In the jewish world, young men were to identify that purpose between the ages of 13 and 18. Without a purpose, young men will flounder. Without a purpose young men will fail. Most young men wait until 20 and older to find their purpose. Jesus knew what his purpose was at the age of 12….Know ye not that I must be about my fathers business? A father of daughters needs the assurance of a young mans purpose before there would be any comfort in handing the reigns of leadership and authority over his daughter to him.

10. James 4:10 Humility – Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord….and he shall lift you up. If young men are to marry chaste, submitted, loving, honoring young women….they must have a spirit of humility. If a humble young man will be lifted up by God, why would a father of daughters seek anyone else?

To all fathers of sons....How does your son stack up against these qualities? For us fathers who are working to raise godly daughters....this is what we seek in your sons. Please don't let us down.

For His Glory!

Steve

That's Why God Gave Me Daughters!

2009-07-14T22:58:00.004-05:00

I remember when my wife first told me we were going to have a child! I don't recall really being set in my mind on whether I wanted a boy or a girl, and since it was up to God anyway, I just wanted a healthy one with toes and fingers and parts all in the right places. God surprised us with a little girl and since that time, has continued to surprise me with four. I really love the reaction I get when I tell people that I have 4 daughters!

Growing up, I spent quite a bit of time outdoors and loved hiking, scuba diving, rock climbing, snow skiing (I wanted to be a full-time ski instructor) and travel. Marriage itself has a way of altering the things you liked to do when you were single but not as drastically as when you have "daughters". As a man, totally surrounded by the female gender (and I might add secretly loving it as well), I feel qualified to share what this experience has taught me and what I have learned along the way. Here is my list and certainly in no particular order.

I have learned to cross-stitch. Yes, I have several that I have done and have them framed hanging in the house. I don't do so much any more, but could if the gang got interested in it again! You know what they say...if you can't beat 'em, join 'em!
I have learned to have a "small" appreciation for girl movies. I really like "Anne of Green Gables" and have enjoyed "Sense and Sensibility" but my favorite is "Pride and Prejudice". That said, I don't think I will ever understand the need to cry at the end of some of these movies and never will understand why someone would watch a movie that they "knew" in advance how it would end and still cry!
I used to be a "yeller". Yes I know that it wasn't right but I couldn't help myself. My mother was a yeller so I got the gene honestly. Girls don't need you to yell at them to cry... all it takes most of the time is a "stern" look to get the tears to flow. I'm a lot better at not yelling but still find the urge to do it occasionally... just to see if it still produces tears. So far it does!
I tie the best bows in my house!
I've got the girls to understand that "chefs" don't have to clean the dishes. Of course, I hardly ever wash a dish, but when I cook dinner, I get the night off.
Girls give the best back rubs and if you spread the responsibility around, you get more of them at greater frequency. Of course I'll scratch their backs too if they request it! :)
I don't know if boys would ever run out to the driveway and hug and kiss their dad when he comes home...but girls do.
My middle name is "Daddy-Fix-It". I can fix anything and when I do, the accolades are amazing. If that doesn't build your ego, nothing on the planet will.
You get the nasty task of cleaning out the bath tub drains when they don't drain so well. Every time this happens, I am sure that one of my girls has been flushed completely down the drain and all that is left is her hair. Girls sure do shed a lot!
I have never shopped for and bought so many dresses in all my life!
Girls need a lot of "stuff"!
All of the women in my life can talk with each other and with me and still listen to all of the conversations happening within a 20 foot radius around us at the restaurant we are eating at.
Girls learn to "bat" their eyes at you when they want something!
They learn very quickly how to position the way they speak about something they bought by telling me how much they "saved" me!
They are the greatest creatures on the planet.My life will always be defined by the women who have surrounded me. Who I am has been shaped and molded by my wife. What I have become has been directly influenced by my girls. If anyone ever tells you that children are a burden, don't listen to them for they speak in error and have never experienced the joy I have. My girls have brought me continual joy and have in turn caused all of the rough edges in my life to be exposed and trimmed.

I guess that's why God gave me daughters!

For His Glory,

Steve

Courtship is not an Easy Path, and Fathers are the Key!

2009-07-14T14:05:00.003-05:00

Our journey to consider "courtship" as an alternative approach to traditional dating methods for searching out a spouse did not begin in familiar territory. Admittedly, my wife and I dated when we were quite young and entered into marriage from a dating background. When we had children, we were neither familiar with homeschooling nor courtship. We both have degrees of higher education and worked prior to having children. How we have arrived at the place where we find ourselves is both astonishing and can only be described at "God-lead".

The idea of courtship was both foreign and something that I would never have considered had I been introduced to it when deciding on whom I should marry. I would have scoffed at the idea and probably written it off as some weird "arranged marriage" sort of situation that any sane person would never consider. When our family was confronted with the idea of courtship, my oldest daughter was in her mid-teens. Even though we had been homeschooling our children when it was not popular to do so, I still found myself skeptical and in totally uncharted territory. The idea that I would participate in helping my daughters choose their spouses was something that I personally had never witnessed nor knew anything about.

Shortly after being introduced to courtship, our Pastor announced the courtship of his own daughter to a young man that lived nearby. Intrigued, we watched, listened and took notice of how they did it. Our pastor was a real trailblazer and as they finally arrived at the wedding altar we witnessed something that none of us had ever seen in our whole lives.....two people who had never dated, nor kissed each other, let alone any one else.....experience their "first kiss" on their wedding day.Many years later our family would witness our own daughter's first kiss at the wedding altar. She had never been in a relationship with any other young man.

The journey from the first time we heard of courtship to experiencing our own very personal encounter did not occur without much prayer, study and preparation on "my" part. We didn't arrive at that moment with me..... Dad.... protector..... defender..... guardian....sitting on the sidelines and just watching the whole process unfold before my eyes just as if reading a "fairy tale" in which all things work perfectly and everyone lives "happily ever after".

There are some essential things you must realize and "DO" if your daughters are to even have a chance at a successful outcome to the dating alternative we know as courtship.

You can't wait to start speaking about courtship and studying about it when your daughter is already dating. Courtship is a matter of the heart, not something you "DO"! Without the cooperation of your daughter and the knowledge that you hold the key to her heart and that she trusts you fully to help her find a suitable husband, it wont work!
Courtship will take a lot of your time.....if you take your job as your daughter's father seriously. Passive fathers should not consider this in any way, shape or form. Lest I be accused of "arranging a marriage", I do not consider myself to be the "chooser". I am, however, with my daughters full knowledge and consent, the guardian and "qualifier". Counterfeits don't have a chance and "thugs" intent on a casual relationship or testing the waters are sent packing.
You must study and prepare yourself, "in advance" so you at least have some direction before the time comes when young men start showing interests in your daughter. It will happen and it comes sooner than you think. I didn't have all of the answers when it happened to our family, but I knew at the least the direction I wanted to go and things that I knew I should do. Since I have four daughters, I at least expect to get it right by the last one! :)

Fathers, without you and your involvement, courtship as an alternative to the dating process just doesn't have a chance.

As I witness the beautiful, wholesome and genuine relationship between Tara and Stephen unfolding before my eyes, my heart also breaks as I see "godly, wholesome and hopeful" young ladies, truly Daughters of Vision who are committed to courtship and long to be married, discouraged and in despair with fathers who are sitting on the sideline waiting passively for "Prince Charming" to appear.

My own daughters' ability to withstand discouragement and despair, even as they grew older, with no one seemingly on their horizon, was with the knowledge that their Heavenly Father and their "earthly father" would not let them down. Dad's, your most precious gifts in life sometimes get less attention than you give to your own car.Paraphrasing a well known verse in the Bible, I am reminded of this... "For which of you, intending to pursue courtship as an alternative to dating, sitteth not down first, and counteth the cost, whether he have sufficient to finish it? Lest haply, after he hath laid the foundation and built up the hopes of his daughter, is not able to finish it, all that behold it begin to mock him, saying, This man, set on helping his daughter, gave up, and was not able to finish."

I don't pretend to have all of the answers, but I know this, that if I pray for wisdom, God will direct my path and any direction I take, decisions I make or things I do on behalf of my daughter will be Him doing it through me. Just as we are to be "doers" of the Word and not just "hearers" only, fathers must be the vessel that God uses to assist in giving to daughters the desires of their heart...a faithful, pure and godly husband! Don't let them down!

In Him,

Steve